Woman in the Mirror

Woman in the Mirror

I look in the mirror and see a stranger

Rolls of fat

Sleepy eyes

Sadness

Darkness

Dried tears on my shoulders

 

I'm feeling deserted

Abandoned

Lost in my own home

Trying to navigate through quicksand

Unable to reach anyone

 

I'm lost for words

Not understanding

No comprehension

Trapped and lonely

 

I can't see the light

The tunnel is dark

The path twisting and turning

I can't discover where to go or how to…

Help myself

 

I'm scared

Not noticing myself in the mirror

Constantly lost

Always feeling like I'm on a roller-coaster

Can't see my future

Scared to let go and let god

 

I don't trust

Can't trust anyone to get close

Won't let anyone in to help

Constantly scratching at my skin

Trying to feel deep within

 

I'm broken

Perfect pieces laying on the floor

Stepped all over and shoved aside

 

I don't know her

That woman in the mirror

Who fell in love

Deserted by hope

Can't form the words to explain it all

Trapped in the light of uncertainty

Scared for myself and what's to come next

Not trusting my instincts anymore

Not trusting

Ultimately broken

Scared of the woman now looking at me in the mirror.

 

Copyright @2019

This Place Called...

This Place Called...

He will not put more on you than you can bare

Yet, my heart is breaking and bursting everywhere

My feelings are all over the place

Restless, confused, feeling disgraced

 

Emotional over this place called Love

Always beautiful and mesmerizing

Yet painful and full of pain and strife

Constantly seeking for more than just Love…

 

Wishing for some peace

Praying for the agony to cease

Always longing for that place called Peace

Never reaching, always so far away

My frustrations never decrease

 

I'm open

Open to finding this place called Hope

Yet darkness is constant and

It's hard to cope

Always feeling off balance and on a slippery slope

 

I'm wishing on a star

Looking for that place called Faith

Scared to pray

Wondering why God left me in space

Floating endlessly, lost

Not even recognizing my own face

 

I silently grasp for this place called Trust

Wanting to believe that there has to be better

There has to be more than just this

Feeling of hopelessness and mistrust

Not wanting to let go yet feeling amiss

 

Constantly turning in circles

Looking for this place called Love

Wanting more

Needing more

Scared to move forward

But stuck and unsure

 

I run and find this place called Oblivion

Stuck in time

Can't move forward

Seeing the light but can't reach it

Because love hurts and it's a crime

Forcing me to choose us or nothing

Nothing or new

New or change

 

Yes Change.

That place called Change that

Promises love, peace, hope, faith, trust

Yet… its so far away

That I feel shortchanged and run back to… Love

Copyright @2019.

Registration C5AUyp8dEv8G9s0x.

 

Big Announcement from your friend Tiffany Brown Sanders

Hello all! I wanted to let you know that I published my 1st book Reality Check on Amazon June 25th! I am so excited about sharing this story with the world. The book is based off some of my personal experiences and I hope that all that read it will be inspired. You can read more about Reality Check at https://amzn.to/2Ld7xIb.

I am hosting my Book Launch party on August 10th.  I have sent you all an invitation on Facebook. The link for the invite is https://www.facebook.com/events/477539062671755/. I hope that you will all plan to attend. If you can't, all well wishes can be sent to PO Box 621732, Charlotte, NC 28262 ATTN: Tiffany Sanders. I would love to hear from you and hope you plan to come celebrate with me and meet some other awesome authors and artist at this event. This will be the networking event of the summer! Flyer will be sent soon.

Our 2nd series of Speak Up and Inspire will be filmed on August 4th. We are looking for sponsors to provide food, dessert and gifts for the speakers who are sharing their personal stories. If you can sponsor lunch or can donate gifts to the speakers, please let me know. In the meanwhile, can you help me by sharing the pilot of the Speak Up and Inspire Series with your family, friends, social media, and networks?! We are trying to get at least 300 views by August 4th. To share, use this link https://youtu.be/kmPW_L41T_w. We are currently at 67 views! Please help us share the word in inspiring survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault to speak up and share their stories.

Thank you for letting me share. Have an amazing and blessed day! Please feel free to forward this email.

Sleep

I can't sleep

My mind is racing

Trying to find answers to questions only you can reply to

Why me

Why us

Why was I not enough

What happened to happily ever after

Was it the openness

The weight gain

The pain I endure on a regular

Or was it something else

Was it you

The age difference

The lack of male role models

Or is just an addiction

I tried to forgive

I tried giving options

I tried to save face

I tried everything but give up

It was still not enough

We were still not enough

I'm restless

Torn between still being in love with you

And...

Wanting to let go

I know I deserve better

I know I was a good wife

I know I did my best

But it still wasn't enough

I'm delirious

I can't sleep

My mind won't rest

I'm dumbfounded

Was I not sexing you enough

Loving you enough

Not there for you

Or was it just karma laughing at me

Naw... I've paid for my mistakes twice over

So then what's keeping me from closing my eyes and finding some peace

It's you

Craving you in my bed

Missing you during the day

Wanting to kiss your lips i love so much

But I can't

All I see is them

All I feel is your hands on foreign thighs

All I smell is lust and sweat

I can't sleep

Your haunting my mind and my heart

Yet I still love you

Though your my nightmare

 

Shower Conviction

Standing in the shower

I could feel something familiar

The dirty feeling

Wanting to scorch my skin from the filth

Feeling uneasy with my body

Wanting to lather the nastiness away

Touching my body

I felt my nails dig in my skin

Scraping my way to a sense of normalcy

Feeling numb to peace

Wanting to drown in my misery

Wishing the water would wash me away

The feeling was familiar

A sense of violation

Disrespect to my temple

Taken advantage of

Feeling empty and helpless

I felt abused...

I felt hurt

Emotionally.

Mentally.

Spiritually.

I felt empty

Abandoned

Embarassed

Scared.

More and more I realized what it was

I felt raped

Raped...

Raped of my love

Raped of my spirit

Raped of my commitment

Raped of my conviction

Raped of my future

Raped of my willingness to forgive

I touched my skin again from the realization

Understanding the familiar feeling

Suddenly feeling bashful

Fat

Unattractive and detached

Just like back then

But this time

Instead of letting the tears fall

I stopped

Touched every inch of my body

And said to myself...

I GOT THIS!  

 

 

  

The Music...

The music

The melody

The words and the memories

They all bring me to my knees now

Listening to our favorite songs

Singing our favorite duets

Vibing to our favorite slow jams

They all remind me of what we used to be

The radio

Pandora

Even YouTube

They all host hypnotic love songs that weaken me...because I think of you

Hearing those hyms you use to croon to me

Those melodic tunes that made me throb for you

Sharing those sexy moments we often took advantage of to dance to

They all now make me want to rip my heart out

The sway of the beats

The words we blush to

The chorus that captured our heart

They all now make me wonder if we were all just a video bound to end...eventually

The music

The melody 

The words and the memories

They all make me wish I never loved them, cherished them and reminded me of you 

#GODFATHER_FIRSTNAME#} has an invitation for Valentine's Day 💕

Hello, Some time ago, your friend iTiffany invited you to play the Happy Couple app. Just like Tiffany, take the daily quiz and learn more about your partner. Today is the perfect day to start playing with your significant other and to share fulfilling conversations together. Log in and both you and your partner will immediately receive 20  FREE QUESTIONS as our gift to you. Just click on an icon below from your mobile or tablet device, then download and play! Happy Valentine's Day! The Happy Couple team happycouple.co | Contacts us Copyright © 2016 Happy Couple, all rights reserved Click here if you don't want to hear from us anymore