In the midst of crisis, you find out who your true friends, who has your back, who cares about you, and is truly there for more than a season.
In this past week I have learned so much about the people around me and myself.
Some may say I have a lot of drama with me, but its not that I have drama (because EVERYONE HAS DRAMA), but its because I am an emotional woman and I carry my heart on my sleeves and I take everything to heart. I'm passionate about my friendships and the people I encounter.
I have also made a lot of mistakes that I am not proud about but it makes me feel so loved and cared for when a person can take the time to look into my soul, see my heart, and no that I am a good person and that I am trying to be a better woman.
In the last couple of months I have lost friends, by choice, because I needed to remove people from my life who were not in my life for my best interest. I also chose to let some friends go because I didn't see the advantages of calling them my friend. I know there are people who feel ill about me as well and that's okay. Not everyone is for everybody.
I am so appreciative right now of my love, Andre, for being the man he is to me and always will be. We have had a horrible week and the last couple of months have been trying but he is still here genuinely loving me. I am blessed to have had him in my life for 20 years! He has always been my guardian angel and I am thankful. The future is not etched in stone but I am hopeful it will be a great one! I can only get better from here.
Friday, November 9, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Defining Forgiveness
Some of us forgive for different reasons. For me their have been several reasons why I have forgiven others:
1. I truly wanted the relationship to work (intimate/friendly).
2. I felt partly responsible for their actions.
3. I too had done wrong and had either been forgiven or wished for forgiveness.
4. I understand that people are not perfect and make mistakes.
5. and most importantly, I have been forgiven for a lot of things I regretted later!
Forgiveness is not just in our words, it is also in our actions. We can't say we forgive someone but yet throw it in their face everytime we get a chance to do so. We can't continue to harbor ill feelings. We can't attempt to get them back or be vengeful. We can't go out and do something to hurt the person like they hurt us. We can't hold a grudge and we can't continue to make the person "pay for their mistakes."
Forgiveness is all in our actions and what and how we deal with that person from the point of forgiveness moving forward.
Some definitions of forgiveness are:
Some links I read on forgiveness:
1. I truly wanted the relationship to work (intimate/friendly).
2. I felt partly responsible for their actions.
3. I too had done wrong and had either been forgiven or wished for forgiveness.
4. I understand that people are not perfect and make mistakes.
5. and most importantly, I have been forgiven for a lot of things I regretted later!
Forgiveness is not just in our words, it is also in our actions. We can't say we forgive someone but yet throw it in their face everytime we get a chance to do so. We can't continue to harbor ill feelings. We can't attempt to get them back or be vengeful. We can't go out and do something to hurt the person like they hurt us. We can't hold a grudge and we can't continue to make the person "pay for their mistakes."
Forgiveness is all in our actions and what and how we deal with that person from the point of forgiveness moving forward.
Some definitions of forgiveness are:
"act of pardoning somebody: the act of pardoning somebody for a mistake or wrongdoing; forgiving quality: the tendency to forgive offenses readily and easily"- http://www.bing.com/Dictionary/search?q=define+forgiveness&qpvt=define+forgiveness&FORM=DTPDIA
"Forgiveness is the renunciation or cessation of resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, disagreement, or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution"- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forgiveness
"to cease to blame or hold resentment against"- http://www.thefreedictionary.com/forgive
I hope this helps you as it as helped me.
Dear Diary- Supportive Friends
So I have been leaning on my friends for emotional support through my breakup with my fiance and they are all being really positive.
I am feeling inadequate and I am questioning myself because I tried so hard to make that relationship work and I put a lot of faith in the love. I thought I showed that to him in more ways than one but it wasn't enough.
What did I do wrong?
Did I not communicate well enough?
Was I sexually not enough?
Am I losing my skills?
Am I not attractive enough?
What could I have done better?
Why can't I let go?
What was I missing?
What did she have that I don't have?
What is about me that made him not want me anymore?
So many questions going through my head that I have a headache and I can't focus at times.
Most say "if its meant to be you two will get through this too, if you forgive him for the hurt he has caused you and vice versa but you both have to let go of the past and move forward." I would have loved to have done that...possibly date again, get to know each other again, go to counseling, anything to make this work but it didn't happen, hasn't happened, and he is gone.
Some say "it wasn't going to last because their were too many trust issues" but I can't agree with that totally because I trusted him UP UNTIL NOW and his lack of trust was based on miscommunication and too many people in our business.
I've always been a confident woman, but right now I am not confident at all... time to re-evaluate myself and my thinking.
I know I am at a point in my life that I want to get married so I'm going to chill for now and work on me-again (because I thought I was already the total package) and wait for my King to love me for me and want me to be his Queen.
I am feeling inadequate and I am questioning myself because I tried so hard to make that relationship work and I put a lot of faith in the love. I thought I showed that to him in more ways than one but it wasn't enough.
What did I do wrong?
Did I not communicate well enough?
Was I sexually not enough?
Am I losing my skills?
Am I not attractive enough?
What could I have done better?
Why can't I let go?
What was I missing?
What did she have that I don't have?
What is about me that made him not want me anymore?
So many questions going through my head that I have a headache and I can't focus at times.
Most say "if its meant to be you two will get through this too, if you forgive him for the hurt he has caused you and vice versa but you both have to let go of the past and move forward." I would have loved to have done that...possibly date again, get to know each other again, go to counseling, anything to make this work but it didn't happen, hasn't happened, and he is gone.
Some say "it wasn't going to last because their were too many trust issues" but I can't agree with that totally because I trusted him UP UNTIL NOW and his lack of trust was based on miscommunication and too many people in our business.
I've always been a confident woman, but right now I am not confident at all... time to re-evaluate myself and my thinking.
I know I am at a point in my life that I want to get married so I'm going to chill for now and work on me-again (because I thought I was already the total package) and wait for my King to love me for me and want me to be his Queen.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
P.S. I'm Still Not Over You lyrics by Rihanna
okay this made me cry...
love this song!
What's up?
I know we haven't spoken for a while
But I was thinkin bout you
And it kinda made me smile
So many things to say
And I'll put'em in a letter
But it might be easier
The words might come out better
How's your mother, how's your little brother?
Does he still look just like you?
So many things I wanna know the answers to
Wish I could press rewind
And rewrite every line
To the story of me and you
[Chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothing to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you you
Still not over you you
[Verse 2]
Excuse me, I really didn't mean to ramble on
But there's a lot of feelings that still remain since you been gone
I guess you thought that I would put it all behind me
But it seems there's always somethin right there to remind me
Like a silly joke, or somethin on the t.v.
Boy it aint easy
When I hear our song
I get that same old feeling
Wish I could press rewind
Turn back the hands of time
And I shouldn't be telling you you
[Chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothing to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you you
Still not over you yea
Did you know I kept all of your pictures
Don't have the strength to part with them yet
Oh no...
Tried to erase the way your kisses taste
But some things a girl can never forget
[Chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Oohh...
Still not over you
And how I have tried to for get you
[Chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get know better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I'v got nothing to lose
Hope you to hear from soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you
to listen, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gctryLCFnEU
love this song!
What's up?
I know we haven't spoken for a while
But I was thinkin bout you
And it kinda made me smile
So many things to say
And I'll put'em in a letter
But it might be easier
The words might come out better
How's your mother, how's your little brother?
Does he still look just like you?
So many things I wanna know the answers to
Wish I could press rewind
And rewrite every line
To the story of me and you
[Chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothing to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you you
Still not over you you
[Verse 2]
Excuse me, I really didn't mean to ramble on
But there's a lot of feelings that still remain since you been gone
I guess you thought that I would put it all behind me
But it seems there's always somethin right there to remind me
Like a silly joke, or somethin on the t.v.
Boy it aint easy
When I hear our song
I get that same old feeling
Wish I could press rewind
Turn back the hands of time
And I shouldn't be telling you you
[Chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothing to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you you
Still not over you yea
Did you know I kept all of your pictures
Don't have the strength to part with them yet
Oh no...
Tried to erase the way your kisses taste
But some things a girl can never forget
[Chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Oohh...
Still not over you
And how I have tried to for get you
[Chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get know better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I'v got nothing to lose
Hope you to hear from soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you
to listen, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gctryLCFnEU
Heartbreak
Heartbreak
My heart is weak
My breathing is shallow
Im drowning in sorrow
My lifeline needs to be
tweeked
Heartbreak beyond belief
Future so bleak
Crying endlessly
Refuge I won’t seek
Fighting an already lost war
Scraping for salvation
Reaching for the end
Frustrated with no peace
Conscious of everyone around
me
Hearing voices laughing at me
Not trusting anyone
Pushing away everyone
Falling with each step
Chocking on thick smoke
Running from destruction
Knowing its too late
Heartbreak so real
Confused beyond reasoning
Screaming internally
Screaming beyond comprehension
Grasping for straws
Waiting for calls
Headache from thinking
Losing sleep tossing and
turning
Relief is far off
The end is beyond reach
dealing not healing
Scared to look passed it
Hating myself
Broken to pieces
Praying for relief
Heartbreak so real
Trying to forgive
Angry at everyone
Withdrawn from love
Done with giving my all
Heartbreak is scary
Losing touch with myself
Pushing away loved ones
Hiding in the shadows
Shaking beyond comfort
Scratching at my chest
Cutting through flesh
Mary Jane is blessed
Gasping through sighs
Turning to the skies
Doubtful of the unkown
Faith crumbles
Heartbreak is consuming me
Wondering my fate
Longing for him to change
Trying to fight hate
Heartbroken and lost
Misery consumes my heart
Drifting into oblivion
Oblivious not smart
Hoping for forgiveness
While betrayal wins
Twisted truths
And promises spin
Heartbreak
Roaming in silence
Hoping for balance
Praying for truth
Hurt by lies
Destroyed by assumptions
Ruined by accusations
Torn by lust
Silenced by forces
Weakened by fears
Lost for ten more years
Distant and lost
Hope dismal
Faith gone
Apologies untold
Futures destroyed
Heartbreak
© copyright 2012-11-06 18:12:27 - All Rights Reserved
True Destiny
I truly feel that Jehovah did not protect me and guide me this far to be the beautiful woman I am today to leave me lonely for the rest of my life. Even though one man has my heart right now, I pray that he is happy since I obviously was not the ONE like I thought I was to him. He was the One I had been praying and dreaming about the last 10 years and so I know that there was a purpose for him being in my life. I just haven't figured out what that is yet...Maybe to fine tune the kinks I still had left to work out or maybe to teach me that their is no future in the past.
I often wondered why people say they don't go backwards, now I know...but I don't completely.
I have a lot to offer:
1. I'm a great mother to my kids and would be to other's children.
2. I'm educated.
3. I'm a loyal friend.
4. I can be sexy when I want to be.
5. I'm not materialistic.
6. I know how to let a man be a man and be his partner.
7. I know how to communicate my feelings.
8. I'm a good lover (wink*).
9. I have goals and I achieve most if not all of my goals I set for myself.
10. I'm over my past and ready to move forward to be the woman I have worked so hard to be- not just for my future mate, but for my kids and most of all Me.
I so wanted to end this pain and misery I seem to keep running into but this heart break right here is different because I truly was 100% in love for the FIRST time. I gave it more effort than any other relationship. I learned a few lessons though:
1. Some friendships need to take a backseat for your relationship to survive.
2. Demand respect.
3. Don't settle for less.
4. Always stay true to yourself and don't lose yourself in the other person.
5. If you know that you are doing your best, don't let your mate or anyone else tell you or make you feel differently.
6. If someone accuses you of something you KNOW you aren't doing, best believe they are doing it to you.
7. Keep trying until you can't take no more (without abuse).
8. Never give up on the power of love.
9. Put God first in every relationship.
10. Do not give your friends full access to your mate- recipe for disaster (even if unintentional).
11. Lastly, forgive. God forgives us for our sins all the time. We are imperfect and we all make mistakes.
So to Him, he knows who he is, I forgive you for hurting me. I will love you forever and I truly hope your happy- even if not with me.
I often wondered why people say they don't go backwards, now I know...but I don't completely.
I have a lot to offer:
1. I'm a great mother to my kids and would be to other's children.
2. I'm educated.
3. I'm a loyal friend.
4. I can be sexy when I want to be.
5. I'm not materialistic.
6. I know how to let a man be a man and be his partner.
7. I know how to communicate my feelings.
8. I'm a good lover (wink*).
9. I have goals and I achieve most if not all of my goals I set for myself.
10. I'm over my past and ready to move forward to be the woman I have worked so hard to be- not just for my future mate, but for my kids and most of all Me.
I so wanted to end this pain and misery I seem to keep running into but this heart break right here is different because I truly was 100% in love for the FIRST time. I gave it more effort than any other relationship. I learned a few lessons though:
1. Some friendships need to take a backseat for your relationship to survive.
2. Demand respect.
3. Don't settle for less.
4. Always stay true to yourself and don't lose yourself in the other person.
5. If you know that you are doing your best, don't let your mate or anyone else tell you or make you feel differently.
6. If someone accuses you of something you KNOW you aren't doing, best believe they are doing it to you.
7. Keep trying until you can't take no more (without abuse).
8. Never give up on the power of love.
9. Put God first in every relationship.
10. Do not give your friends full access to your mate- recipe for disaster (even if unintentional).
11. Lastly, forgive. God forgives us for our sins all the time. We are imperfect and we all make mistakes.
So to Him, he knows who he is, I forgive you for hurting me. I will love you forever and I truly hope your happy- even if not with me.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Definitions of a Soulmate
"a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity,[1] similarity, love, sex, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility."- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soulmate
A person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you
meet -- a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have
never experienced before. As this connection develops over time, you experience
a love so deep, strong and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever
truly loved anyone prior. Your soulmate understands and connects with you in
every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness and
happiness when you are around them. And when you are not around them, you are
all that much more aware of the harshness of life, and how bonding with another
person in this way is the most significant and satisfying thing you will
experience in your lifetime. You are also all that much aware of the beauty in
life, because you have been given a great gift and will always be
thankful."- http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=soulmate
a person with whom one has a strong affinity, shared values andtastes, and often a romantic bond"- http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/soulmate
": a person who is
perfectly suited to another in temperament; a person who strongly
resembles another in attitudes or beliefs"- http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/soul%20mate
" If another person
exists that has the ability to give you a higher soulmate ratio than the person
you are with, then the person you are with is not your soulmate. No one in this
world, including being by yourself, could make you happier than being in love
with your soulmate. True love is the love you share with your
soulmate.
Some people believe that a potential soulmate may be living
halfway around the world. Based on the Love Economic Theory, the odds are
against this happening due to cultural differences unless you just moved from
there. Also, geographical distance will increase search, research, and
maintenance costs. Unless one of you decides to take the risk to move to the
other person's location, he/she is not your soulmate.
The longer you are in love with your soulmate, the higher the soulmate ratio becomes. Better communication skills will emerge and you both will share more experiences resulting in more similarities. It is only after you finished the research phase and had been in love for many years can you determine if the person you are with is indeed your soulmate. "- http://www.solvedating.com/soulmates-definition.html
The longer you are in love with your soulmate, the higher the soulmate ratio becomes. Better communication skills will emerge and you both will share more experiences resulting in more similarities. It is only after you finished the research phase and had been in love for many years can you determine if the person you are with is indeed your soulmate. "- http://www.solvedating.com/soulmates-definition.html
"One of two persons compatible with each other in
disposition, point of view, or sensitivity."- http://www.answers.com/topic/soul-mate
"Soul
Mates are other souls that have agreed to connect with you on this planet for a
purpose. In some cases it is to clear up karma, in other cases it is to finish
unfinished business, and for some it is to accomplish a particular goal
together. These relationships may be
a joy to be in or these relationships may be a pain in your life. Either way they are here for a reason.
When Soul Mates first meet they sometimes feel as if they already know each other. They may feel very familiar to each other. Soul Mates can have a beautiful relationship together, but it will take work. Soul Mate relationships may last a lifetime and others may only be for a particular purpose and be temporary. You can have more than one Soul Mate in a lifetime."- http://www.soulmaterelationships.com/soulmatearticles/soulmatedefinition.htm
a joy to be in or these relationships may be a pain in your life. Either way they are here for a reason.
When Soul Mates first meet they sometimes feel as if they already know each other. They may feel very familiar to each other. Soul Mates can have a beautiful relationship together, but it will take work. Soul Mate relationships may last a lifetime and others may only be for a particular purpose and be temporary. You can have more than one Soul Mate in a lifetime."- http://www.soulmaterelationships.com/soulmatearticles/soulmatedefinition.htm
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