These Walls

It's growing
A wall thick and rugged
Growing tall and full of splendor
Covering it's prize with thorns

Walls caving in
Shielding the inner crevices
With black tar and clay
Covering it's insides with quicksand

Getting thicker
Impenetrable
No one can see in or out
Covering it's display with plexiglass

It's growing
Walls made of cement
Topped with brick after brick
Covering it with layers of pretty marble

It's undeniable and strong
A force field against any wear and tear or destructive forces
Its greater than the Walls of China
Guarded by the God Zeus
Scared of Aphrodite

It's beyond recognition
It's contents inside withering
Unable to move, feel, or grow
Blinded by the fortress that's built so perfectly

Its walls are unmarked
Forgotten in thought
But not mistaken by those that marvel at it
Wondering what's inside
These walls that cover
This heart of mine

I Feel Something

I feel like crying
With eyes too dry to see in front of me
I feel like screaming
With a mouth too parched to open
I feel like wishing
With no hopes of happily ever after
I'm scared
Scared to let go
Scared to lose my O
Scared my heart won't feel again
Because I don't want to feel anything but what I felt with him

I feel like wanting
With the need to be wanted too
I feel like running
With legs too wobbly to escape
I feel like giving up
With no way to go but down
I'm heartbroken
Heartbroken at the fact I tried
Heartbroken at the thought I believed in something
Heartbroken that my O made me feel something I never thought would B and definitely never ever could C

I feel like yelling
With words that only form ballads
I feel like going to sleep
With only my dreams comforting my nightmares
I'm scared
Scared I won't allow any one else in EVER
Scared that my pieces can't be put back together
Scared that enough is enough and theirs no turning back but I long for what I want and long for what I need
So now what...

I feel like turning back time
With a clock that never chimes
I feel like escaping
With a roadmap that leads to nowhere
I feel like I'm done
With anything resembling now
I'm scared
I'm heartbroken
I'm lost
I feel like IT is yet to be seen
I feel something is not done
I feel like something is not over
I feel like something has yet to be seen
I feel
I feel
I feel
Something...

Mr Officer

Mr Officer
Mr Officer
Can you please respond to my 911
I thought I heard an intruder
But I'm not sure where the noise is coming from

It might be in my bedroom
Can you check on my bed to see
It might be under the bed
Bend over nicely there for me

Or it could be in the kitchen
Lift me on the counter
Let's see
Or mix me up with your blender
Make it creamy just for me

Mr Officer
Mr Officer
I think I see someone over there
Up against the wall
Right here can't you feel it
Not my ass against you sir
That shadow over there

Let's run over to the couch
Lay down on me
Let's hide
Feel my body heat with yours
My temperature is about to rise

You might need your handcuffs
To hold the bad guy down
Or you might just have to use them on me
So I can't move that much around

Mr Officer
Mr Officer
Are you sure the bad guys over there
Because I just might be your bad girl
Search me if you dare

I'm that drug that will make you hungry
Make you take off that shield
And be bare
Or that drug that will make you crave me
And go bad cause you won't share

Mr Officer
Mr Officer
Can you come over please
Bring your caution tape with you
And bring me to my knees

Define it

Pain
It rots away at you
Like an old painting
Losing its luster and quality slowly over years

Pain is like
the color of black scarlet roses
Wilting in the sunlight
for everyone to see
It's beautiful to some
But hideous in the eyes of those who were hypnotized by its uniqueness

Pain is like
A child who eats at their flesh
Everytime their father
drunkingly beats them

Pain is like
milk souring In the attic
Festering, stinking stench
rising like the heat

Pain is like
the bullets that run the projects
Hitting not one but two children
With no witnesses

Pain is like
This aching in your spine that
Pierces you in places
You can't even reach

Pain is like
A woman being violated over and over again
By her tormenter

Pain is like
A virgin giving her heart and soul
To a pedophile
Never knowing what it means to be protected

Pain is like
That quick realization
That your father
won't live pass a week
The first man that taught you what kind of daddy he could be

Pain is like
That feeling you get
When something isn't right
and you do it anyway
And then after you can only blame yourself because you could have stopped it

Pain is like
That day you went to take a step
And fell down a flight of stairs breaking every bone
In your body
and you can feel each break

Pain is like
That time you fell in love
With someone who was gorgeous
And compassionate and
Loving and one day
You find out that you met
Jeckyl not Clyde, his representative

Pain is like
this never ending cluster
Of fucked up feelings
That you can never seem to reconcile
Because something else fucked up happens

And then one day
Pain is over
And your life is over

Still Here

Standing still
Seeing the time pass me by
Waiting on a change
Waiting on something new
Looking at my phone
Checking my Facebook
Nothing

Seeing the time
Tick tock
Tick tock
Not seeing headlights coming home
Ding!
No ones coming
Dong!

Waiting on a change
Voicing my feelings
Expressing myself as best I can
He's hearing me
But not listening
How long am I supposed to wait?

Waiting on something new
Hoping that it will click
In his mind
What he's done wrong
While I'm checking myself
In the mirror
Willing to change myself
If need be

Looking at my phone
It's about that time
Tick tock
Tick tock
Holding back from
Taking the first step
Why should I
When I'm not the one
Who stumbled off track
Ding dong

Checking my Facebook
It's business as usual
Post about Michael Brown
Post about our Mayor for Life
Post about injustices in every ones lives
Scroll down
Nothing out of the ordinary

Nothing
Not one thing to do
But wait
Pray
Hope
Have faith
Believe that if it's meant to be it will be
At least that's what they say...

Standing still
Seeing the time getting later
Waiting for a sign
Waiting on what could still be
Looking at my phone less
Writing in my blog
Something is better then just
Sitting here...

Missing Thoughts

Missing him
But scared to reach out
Afraid he'll make it into
Something it's not

Missing him
but hurt at this change of events
Turning my clock back
One two three
More years

Missing him
But afraid to tell him
exactly how I feel
For fear that he'll reject me
By turning my words inside and out

Missing him
But too forewarned to think
I want him to want me
Like I want him
So I wait to see who
Will take the first move

Missing him
But wishing that
Something will click and
He'll realize what's missing and
Admit that it's me

Missing him
But refusing to show him
How weak I really am
That he is the source
of everything in me

Missing him
But distant
Because he's hurt my passion
And romance
By not appreciating
My efforts and gestures of love
Instead he made it into
Something
That I didn't possibly dream of

Missing him
But running before I fall all to pieces
Because i never really got it
Or was able to embrace the love
He promised to me

Missing him
But scared to reach out to my love
For fear that he'll ruin me
When all I wanted was him
Completely and to fall
Deep in love

Rescue Me

Rescue me
Take me away from this moment right here
Where I can't breathe
Think
Feel anything but your presence

Rescue me
Help me understand why
You won't come for me
Why you can't see that I love you
Unconditionally

Rescue me
Take my hand and lead me away
From this hell I'm in
Protect me and reassure me
That this is all in my mind

Rescue me
Make me understand
That despite your harsh words
You're sorry and
Never meant to hurt me

Rescue me
Keep me from giving up
Keep me from completely giving up
On love
Take my hand and wrap me in your arms

Rescue me
Show me exactly what I mean to you
Let me hear the sincerity in your voice
See morning hellos you never failed to send
Let me know that you're missing me as much as I'm needing you

Rescue me from the ones
You said would set out to destroy us
The ones you said you don't give a fuck about
Those haters you said would never change your love for me
Those ones you said You would protect me from

Rescue me
Like you did months ago
When you told me
I had to open up
I had to allow myself to love again

Or rescue me
From the pain
Of you playing me for a fool
Like all the others before you
By telling me the truth
Destroying everything you taught me to believe in again

Rescue me from pain
Or rescue me from never loving again
As much as I loved you
Rescue me like you know you can
And did before

Rescue me from a lifetime without you
Or a deathwish of never wanting to love again
Rescue me