Sunday, December 22, 2013

A Week Later

A week later and my mind is numb
My body is yet fully aware of what happened last week
No longer cloudy
Understanding of what happened

No longer denying the feeling
The overwhelming emotion that comes with admission
Realizing the effects of what took place

Unable to move
Caught in a trance
More like a nightmare of invasions, deceit and murder
Leaving a wake of fear and doom

Trying to break free
I indulge in liquid courage mixed with herbal persuasion
Only to find a piece of the rock to tame the demons inside

Not feeling like myself
I look in the mirror
Only to see someone else I don't recognize, understand or care to know
I metaphorsis into something else
Masking the old
Feeling my wings behind me trying to take flight but can't quite leave the ground

I'm weighed down by uncertainty
Feeling lost in my own mind
My body giving me reminders of what happened just last week
When my unconscious mind was awakened to reality
Of betrayal, hurt, victimization
And yet...

I don't feel like the same person I was then
Seven days later and I'm meeting someone new
Someone shy, naive, awkward
Nothing I'm used to...

Not knowing how to react
I look around
Seeing things like I've never envisioned them before
Hearing words that I can finally comprehend
Feeling each hair on the back of my neck as the wind whispers by me
Appreciating the beauty that surrounds me

Inside I'm seven days old
Evolving inside my chrysalis
While outside my body is molting, renewing itself
Becoming something totally different

I wonder what I'll look like a week from now...

Sunday, December 8, 2013


What is he doing to me
Making me want him although he has warned me to stay away
He is my addiction, my mystery, my must have
He is the one I want even though
He has told me without certainty reasons to walk away

I can't explain it
This feeling of thirst that keeps me wanting more
Looking for what he has promised wasn't there
Needing to beat down the walls
That surround us not willing to give up

I don't know what to do
But expose myself to him
Let him see what is right before his eyes
Show how strong my love can be for the both of us
While holding on to my sanity keeping me from completely giving up

I can't let him hurt me
Tho he has
He warned me not to ask for too much
But I can't resist the intensity of what we share in each others eyes
The wanting, the needing, the escape from our busy lives
For a moment that is peaceful and refreshing
Trying not to let him get the best of me each time he tries to show what his mind doesn't want me to see

I'm in it
Diving into a mass of fear and insecurity
Seeing me not too long ago
In his words not validated by his actions
But he warned me
Told me not to expect too much
As he looks at me penetrating all my filters and defenses
As I turn away to run but letting him hold me back

I don't know what to think
As he makes love to me
Makes me his with each stroke
Not realizing that with each thrust, he is giving me a part of him more significant then the walls around him
Because he whispers what his heart won't scream out
He wants me, filling me up, needing to be in my warmth and surrounded by the comfort of how I feel around him

All I can do is wait
Heed his warning and tread lightly as not to scare him away
Show him how safe my love could be
If he would just stop fighting
Let it happen as naturally as it did the first time we met
Without a need to warn me
But being just who he is capable to be
The man that tells me why I should walk away but has given me more than enough reason stay

I got it
I've been forewarned...