Thursday, May 30, 2013

I'm Just...

I'm not crazy. I'm just passionate about my feelings.
I'm not selfish. I just want your love to myself.
I'm not jealous. I'm just confident in what I have to offer.
I'm not bitter. I'm just angry that we can't get this right.
I'm not drama. I'm just trying to show you the whole picture.
I'm not trying to stress you out. I'm just fighting for our cause.
I'm not trying to see you unhappy. I just know you can be with me.
I'm not trying to hurt you. I just need time to heal your pain.
I'm not being critical. I just want you to see the facts.
I'm not blaming you. I just want you to see both our faults.
I'm not trying to take our children away. I just need to protect them.
I'm not trying to cause you grief. I just want you to understand our plight.
I'm not misleading you. I'm telling you how it is.
I'm not lying. Everything I say is true despite what you think.
I'm not walking away. I'm just distancing myself from pain.
I'm not falling out of love you. I just can't seem to catch you as you do.
I'm not trying to do anything that will repeat the same mistakes in the past. I'm just trying to build a future that I know can last.
I'm not perfect. I'm just perfect at loving you.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

In My Bed

I'm laying here wondering what's wrong with me
As I lay here in my bed lonely
Cold sheets against my skin
Wondering when this feeling will ever end

Watching you go on with your life
Oblivious to my pain, misery and strife
Caused by you
and your empty promises
Overwhelmed with all the has been dreams
Emotional over all the canceled plans

I'm weak and fragile
trying to climb out this slumber
Drowning in my own sweat
Nightmares capture more upsets

This house is not a home without you
Bringing the sunshine to my darkness
Closed curtains turning grey
Waiting for you to return one day

Flowers no longer blooming
Plants dying and unkept
Food spoiling in the blind heat
House unkept because no time is spent within its walls

Empty rooms with covered furnishings
Walls dusty and torn down
The hollow halls leading to my scarlet room
That used to be a haven for me and you
Painted in soft sensual blues

I'm rolling over in what was once our bed
Touching the place you used to lay your head
I can still smell your fragrance too
As I wait insanely for you
in an empty house made for two

In our bed I lay instead
silently looking out the window
In the distance to get a glimpse
of Your glowing light
Fading slower and slower each day
While I lay in our bed and wilt away

Monday, May 27, 2013

In My Dreams

I think of you in my dreams at night
Wishing I would wake up with you by my side
Watching me sleep
Smiling down at me

I used to think of the day
When I would see you again
And longing for the moment you embrace my face in your hands and kiss me with such passion that everything around us stops to partake

I'm missing you
your smell, your touch, the way you make me feel
I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is real
I second guess myself as I sit waiting patiently for you
But time is not on my side as I'm wasting away all I wish for

Through pain and loneliness
I'm aching for your touch
Inside me and filling me completely and tenderly

I'm waiting as the rain washes away my fears
I turn back the clock to do it all again
Regardless of what I say I can't walk away
I'm missing how I feel
In your presence I want to stay

Aching and wanting
Needing you close
I stare out the window
Seeing when and if you'll approach

Waiting for you
I imagine life without you
Knowing clearly what I'm missing
But not ready to let go

In my dreams you are here
You never leave my side
Caring for me when I need you
Loving me until I die

But as I look around your nowhere in sight
And I'm still here lonely
Losing this fight

I pass by the window
Close all the doors
As I lock away hope
And let dreams go away

Missing your touch
Longing for your embrace
Letting go of my dreams
No longer trapped in this place

Sunday, May 26, 2013


Worn down by misery
Waiting for an escape
Wishing this pain would go away
From my body, my mind and my heart

Needing you there
but your nowhere in sight
Leaving me alone with only my fear in sight

Lonely existence not having someone here
Holding and gasping for air trying to breathe
Clutching my chest trying to feel my heart beat
But it stopped the day you refused to speak

This pain on the surface
is nothing like how I feel inside
Bruised and broken
These meds are making me high

This feeling goes deep
Pain is only an after effect
of how I'm dealing with the woes
Of losing you and crying
for all thats exposed

Cursed and alone
Trying to find a way past this pain
No ER can fix or take it away
Only sedate and operate on what they see on the surface
Not knowing the pain is deeper than they can see
A pain so strong
Its taking over me

Fixated on time
Praying for sleep
That will take this pain away
The hurt is so deep

Pain go away
And take my heart with it
Cant take no more
Its too much to bare
Waiting for someone
To give me relief from despair
Knowing inside the pain will never go away
Even if on the surface I died today

Friday, May 24, 2013

Focus on Our Love

Focusing on the love we shared
I smile at the thought of seeing you smile at me with those beautiful brown eyes
Appreciating my form in front of you
You tease me with your eyes
Making me want you every moment I was with you

I am remembering your soft hands on my face
Cupping my face tenderly
Bringing your lips
Breathing together like a sweet melody
As I melt in the smell of your natural scent

I'm thinking about the times we shared
Doing absolutely nothing but never bored with each other
Talking, laughing, enjoying the presence of one another

I'm missing the way you touch me
And the way your full lips say my name
I'm hearing you say you love me
And you know I'm feeling the same without me having to say it

My heart is still longing for this unique and powerful love we have
Its amazing, incredible, fulfilling
Its complete with no strain

I'm wishing on a star to give you insight to my heart
To show you that your everything to me
even though we are apart

I love you
Your the reason why I breathe
My motivation to wake up
Your my destiny unfulfilled
Your the reason why I didn't give up

Love me. Need me. Want me
Because indeed I feel all this too
Forgive me baby
Trust me
Lets build our love and  cherish it too
I'm in love with You

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Blessings Times Two

I remember the moment I conceived you
I was in wonder at your beginning
Thankful to our Creator for blessing me with you
Not realizing that I wasn't just blessed with one but two

In my amazement I cherished the gift
Appreciating the chance to give life to you
Never in my wildest dreams was I prepared
For what I was yet to feel
A love so pure and natural that I never would forsake you or try to appeal

Feeling you growing inside me I protected you
Nurtured you and kept you in my embrace
Loving you from the start
And praying for your grace

Two blessings I was given
And I am thankful to our God
For entrusting me with such beauties
And being sought out from above

Watching you grow brings wonder to my heart
Hearing you say I love you
Is what makes being a mom the best part

I love you my angels
And I'm thankful to Jah
For blessing me with you
And finding me worthy of having two

No Pursuit of Us

Withering away
Hiding in the shadows
Sinking into oblivion
Brushed aside
Drowning in sorrows
Escaping reality
Running from hell
Weakened responses
Fighting back tears
Fearing the inevitable
Broken into small pieces
Tossed to the world
Forgotten and out of sight
Ruined with no hope
Burned passed recognition
Ripped apart by pain
Torn apart by deceit
Replaced by fear
Mistaken for a fool
Misguided by words
Rejected by actions
Trapped by emotions

All these scenarios
Set in motion
In pursuit of making right the wrong
Only to be
Blindsided by a circle
Of misunderstandings
And missed opportunities
That could have been turned into

Accepting our love
Reliving our passion
Rejoicing in our future
Activating our dreams
Realizing our capacity
Winning the prize
Holding on to our memories
Forgiving our wrongs
Starting over with faith
Empowering our souls
Embracing our beliefs
Justifying our fight
Relishing in our lust
Regaining our trust
Believing that all is possible
When We come together as Us

Broken and Forgotten

Broken and forgotten
Pushed overboard to drown
lost in a sea of doubt
Confused without hope

Knowing my heart is heavy yet
You keep stringing me along
Waiting for something better
Ignoring what we have
Refusing to let me love you past the pain

Finding retreat in another
Missing the opportunity for true happiness
Not taking responsibility for your actions
Leaving me sad and blue

Wishing for a break
A sign you still want and need me
Grasping for the memories
Promises in the clouds
Your hurting me slowly
I'm over taken but can't run

In all I know to be true
I know that I need you
By my side holding my heart
Not tearing it wide apart
And breaking it in two

In my wait I feel despair, agony and misery
A death wish pending
A sentence too heavy to carry through
You rather destroy my soul then follow your heart
I'm praying and cursing at you

Agony sets in as I await your words
Knowing it will change everything
My life as I planned
The world you used to speak of fondly
You threw it away without looking back
And tore my insides out before you even spoke
I'm deaf and blind
I can no longer feel your touch

I feel betrayed and defeated
Rising just to fall
Defying all others
Only to be left behind by you
An eery feeling of distaste upon your lips
As you tell me you don't want me anymore
Its true. Your taking your commitment away too
Divorced me in your mind
Seperated at the seams
No mending for us now
I lost you somehow

So suddenly I was caught unaware
You swept it all away
Shutting doors you promised not to close
Yet you did so wickedly
Through lies and deception
Unspoken truths and stolen moments
Cheapened and weakened by untruths
Going back and forth
You played me just like your alter ego would

I'm broken and forgotten
No longer welcome. Uninvited.
Privileges taken. No surprises.
Waiting for my fate...
Holding onto hope
Your settling out of fear
Our future is no longer clear

Torn apart
Watching your lips lay down my fate
Refusing to let me love you past the  pain
Building in me my resistance to hate
Knowing this is what will crush and break
All we worked on and suffered
But that clearly means nothing to you now
The sacrifices. The abuse.
The resentment I suffered for you

You claim your scared to give your all
Yet until recently you claimed you did
Making love not just to my body
But my mind too

I know I've given you more
Then any other
Yet you tend to forget that
Refusing to see the whole picture
Forgetting all that remained a whisper

Refusing to be loved past the pain
Instead you left it all in vain
To protect you
and leave me broken and forgotten

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Misery of Love

Heart broken. Frightened. Wondering what now.
Put it all on the line. Unappreciated. Replaced by fear and new motives.
Let down. Mistaken. Trying to find my way out.
Ready to end it all. Not willing to go a day more without my Luv.

No understanding of where they stopped wanting and needing me.
Memories forgotten. Struggle over. War lost.
Depression setting in.  Clouds take over.
Alone and confused.
Stuck wondering where I went wrong.

Trying to do the right thing. Still losing out.
Lies told. Misled actions.
Family seperated. Emotional overload.
Trying to escape the pain.
Drowning in sorrows.
Grasping for air but stifling it too.
Don't want to go on without you.

Feeling abandoned. Defeated and hurt.
Traded in for convenience.
Knowing that over there is not where your happiness really lies.
Scared. Fear is powerful.
Running away from true destiny.
Mistaken at best.
Settling for the luxury of another knowing its not real.

Stolen moments. Lying between desire.
Making love to my soul but to my heart your a liar.
Gone on to something better that will not last.
Do you forget you just confessed your love just last week that just passed?

Tired. Hurt. Lonely. Sick.
Misery of love at its best.
Downfall of loving and losing whats meant.
Broken. Lifeless. Ready to give up.
Realizing you love more but not able to give in.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Poetry challenge is over!

I survived the 30day.poetry challenge 6 poems short! Proud of myself. I was able to branch out and spread my wings.
People tend to read into poetry rio much when its just a work and expression some real, some not. Some old, some new. I hope you enjoyed.