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Wednesday, September 2, 2015

I Do

I remember when I first laid eyes on you
My stomach turned flips
I felt myself turn red all over and I was in awe

It wasn't just your good looks
Or the flowers in your hand
It was your smile
The way you looked at me and watched me come to you

I remember when I first looked into your eyes
The first time I touched your hand
The first time I felt your lips

I remember when I needed you
I held you tight
You wiped away my tears
I first felt safe in your arms

I remember when I fell and you were there to pick me up
I remember when you first told me you loved me
I remember the moment you looked into my eyes with fear for what was happening between us

I remember when you first made love to me
You first pulled me close to you
I remember wanting to submit to you
Be the best for you
I remember all the first and amazing things you've done for me

But I always keep close to my heart
The moment I remember the most
The evening I heard your heartbeat and it synced with mine
I remember I knew I would love you more than anything

So if I don't remember to tell you I love you I do
If I don't remember to tell you I appreciate you I do
If I don't remember to show you I care I do
If I don't always act like I want you I do
If I don't let you know I'm missing you I do
And if I don't remember to remind you how much you mean to me you do
But more importantly if I don't remember to tell you any of the above know I do more than I just I Do but that I can forever remember to love You

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

You. Me.

These last couple of weeks
You have been my rock
My shoulder to lean on
My strength from afar

You have kept me motivated
Strong
Focused

In these weeks
I have learned
What kind of friend you are
How much commonalities we share
And I like it
Not just because you're easy to talk to
Or that you understand the importance of communication
Not just because you listen
Even when I don't make sense
Or I ramble on in an emotional mess

You're perfectly flawed
Just like me
You've been hurt
Just like me
You've suffered a loss
Just like me
Your strong enough to rebuild
Just like me
You rise above
Just like me
And guess what
You're a male version of me
That makes me see
How truly amazing your heart can be
Even through all that pain

I thank you
For all that you are to me
Helping me through this storm
Comforting me when I'm weak
And all this you did
Unselfishly
Because you're You
Nothing more
Nothing less
Just You
And that's perfectly fine for me

I'm looking forward
To what could be
Facebook buddies
Friendship or more
Homey lover friends
Lovers by night
The Knight to my Day
The King to my throne
Whatever it may be
Or not be
I'm glad you're here
I'm glad you're here with me

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Confused

You pull me in and take my breath away
You make me feel things I didn't know existed
Between you and I
You...
You arouse something in me that I don't understand

You're my friend
My confidante
The person I turn to
And yet
And yet there are those moments
When you completely take over
Capture my attention
Draw me in
Make me pay attention
Help me focus
On you
On you and only you

But then it stops
We go back to how it used to be
How it's always been
What's comfortable for both of us
Or maybe just me
No I know it is for you too
Sometimes
Yes sometimes
It's comfortable to just be friends
It's comfortable to not confuse things
But
But when you look at me like that
Kiss me like that
Hold me like that
Smile at my children and say you love them
I know what's really going on

You love me as your friend
But you're in love with what your dreams tell you this could be
You love me as that chick
That can watch the game with you
Laugh at your twisted jokes
You love that girl that's always there
As your friend

Knowing
Knowing that your touch is not just that of a friend
That goodbye is not just your friendly way of saying I'll miss you
That invitation to go out is a way for you to breathe in my scent

The way you touch me pulls me in
Captivates my attention
Demands I see you
Yes you
My friend, my could be more, my possibility...

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

These Walls

It's growing
A wall thick and rugged
Growing tall and full of splendor
Covering it's prize with thorns

Walls caving in
Shielding the inner crevices
With black tar and clay
Covering it's insides with quicksand

Getting thicker
Impenetrable
No one can see in or out
Covering it's display with plexiglass

It's growing
Walls made of cement
Topped with brick after brick
Covering it with layers of pretty marble

It's undeniable and strong
A force field against any wear and tear or destructive forces
Its greater than the Walls of China
Guarded by the God Zeus
Scared of Aphrodite

It's beyond recognition
It's contents inside withering
Unable to move, feel, or grow
Blinded by the fortress that's built so perfectly

Its walls are unmarked
Forgotten in thought
But not mistaken by those that marvel at it
Wondering what's inside
These walls that cover
This heart of mine

Monday, May 25, 2015

I Feel Something

I feel like crying
With eyes too dry to see in front of me
I feel like screaming
With a mouth too parched to open
I feel like wishing
With no hopes of happily ever after
I'm scared
Scared to let go
Scared to lose my O
Scared my heart won't feel again
Because I don't want to feel anything but what I felt with him

I feel like wanting
With the need to be wanted too
I feel like running
With legs too wobbly to escape
I feel like giving up
With no way to go but down
I'm heartbroken
Heartbroken at the fact I tried
Heartbroken at the thought I believed in something
Heartbroken that my O made me feel something I never thought would B and definitely never ever could C

I feel like yelling
With words that only form ballads
I feel like going to sleep
With only my dreams comforting my nightmares
I'm scared
Scared I won't allow any one else in EVER
Scared that my pieces can't be put back together
Scared that enough is enough and theirs no turning back but I long for what I want and long for what I need
So now what...

I feel like turning back time
With a clock that never chimes
I feel like escaping
With a roadmap that leads to nowhere
I feel like I'm done
With anything resembling now
I'm scared
I'm heartbroken
I'm lost
I feel like IT is yet to be seen
I feel something is not done
I feel like something is not over
I feel like something has yet to be seen
I feel
I feel
I feel
Something...