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Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Missing Him


Missing Him


Missing him already
And the way he makes me feel
When I hear his voice
I can imagine his smile
The words that smoothly leave his beautiful lips

I’m missing everything about us
That is fun
Sincere and full of life
Sexy in every way
And the way I blush
When I hear his name

I am missing the goodnights
And the I love You's
That takes place throughout the day
And the conversations that never to seem to end
For we have everything to talk about
When it comes to Us

I am missing the anticipation
Of seeing him again
And knowing that he is excited too

I am missing the planning and the emails
For our day like no one else’s
When we were to finally become one
As God intended- or so I thought…

I am missing the future
And what it would have entailed
A house cozier than a winter fire
A love so fulfilling
That every day is thanksgiving

I am missing the stares
From people who see us together
And have hope that true love can survive
The jealous whispers
Because we are all that and then some- together

I am missing the nights
Where lust takes us on an erotic journey
Getting to know each other
In secret even though we know each other by the inches

I am missing his voice
Speaking sweet nothings
Genuine and full of adoration

I am missing his touch
Across my face
And holding me close as if we are
Connected by longing and desire

I am missing the heart that once loved me so much
He didn’t go a day without wanting me as his wife

I am missing
What I thought was a sure thing
You and I, finally together as one unit
Free and clear of others scrutiny

I am missing the confidence of his promises
That in an instant became lies

I am missing all that encompasses us
You. Me. We.

I am missing Him.



© copyright 2012-10-30 15:08:59 - All Rights Reserved



This Time it was You


This time it was you that was not deserving
With all your tales and accusations
With all your assumptions and mistrust

I put my all on the line
My heart and my soul
My life and my future

I gave you what all men want
My body and my love
My commitment and my devotion

You just couldn’t take it
It was more than you expected
Or was it that you couldn’t accept it all- maybe that’s it

I made you my priority
Waking up to the thought of you
Going to bed wondering how I can make you smile another day

You believed your own lies
I was cheating in your mind
I was deceitful to your face

I loved you more than anyone else
My heart couldn’t rent another place
I was destined to be right here in your face

I was made to be your wife
And spend my life with you
But you couldn’t let go to see that it was true

You fell in love with a ghost
Because somewhere you got lost
In the middle of the drama and the schemes and the lies

I pushed away the old
And made myself brand new
To present myself as a gift to just and only you

“I’m not the One,” you say, over and over in your head
But in your conscious you know it’s always been me
Blocking your thoughts, fueling your heart, and waiting for this day

So why won’t you take hold
Of all I have to offer
Did she rob you of so much that you can’t even recover

I feared the worst
And prayed for the best
It was You who couldn’t let Us be free

My love for you was unconditional
No one could compare
I couldn’t see past your smile and I didn’t want to share

For you I was just a mystery
James Patterson would be proud
But I am who I am and my lines I scream loud

I believe I’ll always wait
because I won’t let you forget
I molded myself this way- for you with no regrets

This time it’s you who isn’t deserving
Because you can’t accept the best of me
My heart and my future which I chose for our destiny

You won’t take my heart
As I’ve taken yours
to love and cherish for forever more



© copyright 2012-10-30 12:53:49 - All Rights Reserved

Monday, October 29, 2012

Still by Tamia- Lyrics

Probably my favorite song by Tamia

Yea, yeaUsually when two people are togetherFor a long time things seem to changeIt's been said that nothing good lasts foreverBut this love gets better every dayWe get all excited inside every time that we get aloneHe still got love in his eyes and I still got love in my soul
Still and still feels like the first time we metThat I kissed and I told you I loved youWe still run around like teenagers even thoughWe're grown and married with kidsAnd we still talk on the phone for hours when I'm awayHe still writes letters and sends me flowers every other dayThe question everybody asks is how we make it lastI tell them I still, he still, we still
Now I still smile in the morningWhen I realize I'm still in his armsWe know everything about each otherBut we still keep holding on, yeaWe never gonna break upWe'll be always there to make upAs long as we stick together we'll climb higherI'm gonna ride with him to the wireOur love is never gonna end, we're on fire
Still and still feels like the first time we metThat I kissed and I told you I loved youWe still run around like teenagers even thoughWe're grown and married with kidsAnd we still talk on the phone for hours when I'm awayHe still writes letters and sends me flowers every other dayThe question everybody asks is how we make it lastI tell them I still, he still, we still
We go through problems just like everybody elseBut I really don't mind because it makes us keep it freshNow what's sadder than an argumentIs the thought we may have never beenHe is my lover, my baby's father, my lifetime partner and my friend
Still the man of my dreams he's stillStill the man for me and I'm still in love with himSo deeply, I think I'll sing it again, he's stillStill the man of my dreams, he's still, still the man for meAnd I'm still in love with him, deep, deeply
Still and still feels like the first time we metThat I kissed and I told you I loved youWe still run around like teenagers even thoughWe're grown and married with kidsAnd we still talk on the phone for hours when I'm awayHe still writes letters and sends me flowers every other dayThe question everybody asks is how we make it lastI tell them I still, he still, we still
Still and still feels like the first time we metThat I kissed and I told you I loved youWe still run around like teenagers even thoughWe're grown and married with kidsAnd we still talk on the phone for hours when I'm awayHe still writes letters and sends me flowers every other dayThe question everybody asks is how we make it lastI tell them I still, he still, we still

Fantasy Over

My mother once told me that I you can't love someone who doesn't deserve it and doesn't want it but I never thought I would add to it by adding "if he doesn't even realize how much you truly do."
Engaged to the same man three times, it ended again over a poem I posted on my blog that was written last year BEFORE him.
I try to share parts of me with everyone and it comes back to slap me in the face, literally.
If you are a writer or a poet, you know that you write for yourself first and your writings are inspired by something (or someone). You also know that not everyone thing you write that seems to be about someone is really about someONE.  You also know that not everyone has the privilege of reading your writings as soon as you write them. Why couldn't he understand that?
But I have come to a conclusion: He didn't want to believe that I was and am still in love with him more than he is now in love with me. He didn't want to see me for the woman I am today and all I have to offer. The accusations and the assumptions were all just excuses to let go of me, no matter how far away from the truth they were.  He was in love with the idea of me and not ME at all. If he was, he would have heard every truth I spoke to him yesterday and would have moved past the writing on the wall that was history unearthed during a time of exploration and healing for me. He would have understood that I shared something with the world that impacted me and was a means of healing for me.It had nothing to do with him. But for some reason he is too blind to see that not everything is about him and sometimes its just about Me.
I can't even express the pain I am going through right now because I am now numb and everything I had left in my heart is gone. Its a slow death that only time can heal but I will never heal from the accusations and the words that ended my whole future as I saw it and the funny thing is he has no idea that he is leaving behind a good woman who truly loved him and only wanted to love and care for him, not cheat on him, lie to him, or deceive him. When I said I was ready to settle down, I meant it and I meant it with him. 
The fantasy is over. The man I thought was in love with me and the man that told me he wouldn't leave me AGAIN, has done just that and not because I did something but because he assumed the worst again and you know what happens when you assume... the fantasy is over and my heart is done with giving my all because your all is never quite enough when dealing with a man who hasn't been able to trust his whole life and isn't ready to take the steps to get back what was lost a long time ago but he so desperately needs. I feel for the next woman, because there will be a next for him...it always is...
So now my questions is "How can I move past a disappointment that I didn't deserve?" The fantasy is over...Reality hurts.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Faith Evans- Catching Feelings Lyrics

Love this song!

Take your timeIf you just relax and take your timeYou'll see in me you'll find peace of mindSomething about the way that you touch me it makes me glowIn me you can confideBut the love it takes some time
Feels like you can be the one that's catchin' feelingsI know you can't help it but just slow downBoy you know you alright with me(You know that you're alright)
Feels like you can be the one that's catchin' feelingsI know you can't help it but just slow downBoy you know you alright with me(You know that you're alright)
If you weren't so youngMaybe we could be serious, ohInfatuations killing me so mysteriousWhen there's no other you'll be my lover if you play it cool(Baby just take it slow)I can't fall in love with you so maybe we can rendezvous(In love with you)
Feels like you can be the one that's catchin' feelingsI know you can't help it but just slow downBoy you know you alright with me
Feels like you can be the one that's catchin' feelingsI know you can't help it but just slow downBoy you know you alright with me
I knew you were so youngYou were just a love thing and II just let you get a taste of my loveI let my guard downIt was only supposed to be one timeOh but now we find our selvesDoing it over and over and over'Cause what we have is only physicalI gotta give you time to let you grow
It feels good but you gotta slow down catchin' feelings'Cause I don't wanna turn you out catching feelings(Baby just take it slow)Take it slow, take it slow(Take it slow, take it slow)All you gotta doTake it slow, take it slow(Take it slow, take it slow)Just take it slow


Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Limbo


Feeling like I’m in limbo
Waiting for a call
that should have been made already
Waiting for the moment
when this whirlwind will stop
Waiting for you to step up

I’m in misery
Waiting for the unexpected
Not knowing when I’ll see you again
Or when I’ll hear your voice saying my name

I don’t know what to expect
As I’m sitting here counting the minutes
Until I see you again
Knowing that you may not appear
And our dreams may disappear

I’m sick to my stomach
With pain of how this will all go down
The showdown has begun
And I’m sorry but my heart just won’t
Give up on the vow I made to you
To love you forever and never leave your side

I’m restless
And feeling some kind of way over you
Because you have been my angel
My guiding force for all these years
And now you’re gone
Moving on to something unpredictable and unknown

I’m torn deep inside
My mind and my heart are fighting a war
One for sanity and one for destiny
They’re both at odds
With what my gut is telling me is over
Or so it may seem…

I can’t help but think
That this was all a nightmare
And our love didn’t revive itself
And make magical moments together
Promising forever and an eternity

I’m falling again
But not for you but for the love
I thought you had for me
I’m ashamed to admit it
But I’m holding on regardless
Until the anger takes my pain away

I’m waiting in limbo
For something I thought
Was true
But it’s clear to me
That I’m the only one here
On the fence
Waiting
Impatient
And straddling this thing called love






© copyright 2012-10-03 12:48:05 - All Rights Reserved