Saturday, March 15, 2014

More Time

Feeling surreal
Thinking about the pending loss
Of a person I've adored
Since before I breathed life

Looking into his eyes
I see strength and fear
While on the outside I see a man tired and frail

I watch him as he moves slowly
Calculating every step
Weary with each step he takes
In pain, aching
Trying not to give up
But wishing for it to end

I can't help but feel sorrow
Watching my once stubborn father
Dwindling away right before my eyes
Seeing the worry in his eyes
As he smiles at my mother

Trying to be strong
I offer my help
Making an excuse to hold his hand
Care and embrace him

Feelings unresolved
I try to let go of the past
The scandals left in the darkness
As I silently pray for his well being
Forgiving him for all he did to me as an impressionable child

I see him
Slowly slipping away
Trying to hold on for my mother
My babies he loves so much

As I fight within me to love him even more
As I watch him lose weight
Inch by inch
Becoming less than himself
Losing a part of me that was gone for so long

Daddys girl
My protector
My handsome father
I love so much

Trying not to miss him
But seeing him like this
Makes me lose touch
With reality of knowing
That time may not be
On our side

But all I can pray for
Is just for blessings
To be mine
As I watch my dear father
And pray for more time

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Your Mouth (draft)

This is not the first time I've asked you how you feel inside
Trying to read your mind
Seeing between the lines
All the while knowing your mouth is telling lies

So I waited
Trying to give you time
To see if you would clear your mind
Enough to see if you would make
Yourself mine
But you couldn't let go of what you truly felt inside

So I moved on to find what was rightfully mine
Someone who loved me
And who wouldn't waste my time
Someone who could express they wanted to be mine
Someone I knew whose heart was not blind

I waited for you to tell the truth
Throw away your pride and show me the proof
but you couldn't
Weren't ready
Shouldn't have played the friend role that much

Now I'm gone
Getting what I deserve
Not racking away at my nerves
Trying to figure something out

It wasn't the first time
I asked you for the truth
But now I know why you kept hiding
From what was true
You knew I.deserved better
And now I'm living the life
That only your heart could see
But your mouth could not trust

Monday, March 10, 2014

That Moment

That moment when you can feel their presence even before they enter the room
That moment when the butterflies start flying around when you know their on the way
That moment when time stops when your eyes meet each other
That moment when no one else matters but the one your with
That moment when you wake up and their the first person on your mind
That moment when your so damn horny at the thought of feeling them touch you again
That moment when you realize that it's you and them against the world
That moment when you can't stop thinking about them even when your busy with your own life
That moment when you go to bed and you can't fall asleep without them
That moment when you can't see your life without them in it
That moment where every plan you make includes the one you dream about
That moment when you make their happiness your top priority
That moment when you hear their name and you instantly start blushing
That moment when you realize that all you have been feeling and more means you have fallen in love

Monday, March 3, 2014

The Rain

The rain falls hitting my window pane
Thump, thump
Splatter, thump
Waking me from my dream
Making me disillusioned

The sounds are reflective
Of the pain and hurt inside
As the tears begin to fall
Drip, drop
Drop, drip

I look up into the sky and wonder why
Why I feel so lonely inside
Even with you by my side

Trying to focus I pull the cover over my head
Still hearing the rain above my bed
Swish, swish
As I look over and imagine you holding me close instead
But no avail I'm wet, crying out for you
Trying not to let the storm outside cloud my head
As the rain gets harder and I can't seem to escape the sound of the pitter, patter in my heart...

Trying to fall back to sleep as the rain suddenly calms
Getting silent 
hearing my heart beat louder
Thump, thump

I turn over to stop the beating in my head
As I roll over into a puddle of.tears
Nowhere to move but within my fears

Crying through the rain
Drowning out the beauty
Of what used to be a comfort

The rain falling on my window pane
Simple, serene
Tap, tapping
Calling my name
Soothing my mind
Waking me up from the demons swimming through my mind

I relax and reflect on his face
Smiling at the memory of that symphony we made
Love making through the rain