Saturday, December 13, 2014

Mr Officer

Mr Officer
Mr Officer
Can you please respond to my 911
I thought I heard an intruder
But I'm not sure where the noise is coming from

It might be in my bedroom
Can you check on my bed to see
It might be under the bed
Bend over nicely there for me

Or it could be in the kitchen
Lift me on the counter
Let's see
Or mix me up with your blender
Make it creamy just for me

Mr Officer
Mr Officer
I think I see someone over there
Up against the wall
Right here can't you feel it
Not my ass against you sir
That shadow over there

Let's run over to the couch
Lay down on me
Let's hide
Feel my body heat with yours
My temperature is about to rise

You might need your handcuffs
To hold the bad guy down
Or you might just have to use them on me
So I can't move that much around

Mr Officer
Mr Officer
Are you sure the bad guys over there
Because I just might be your bad girl
Search me if you dare

I'm that drug that will make you hungry
Make you take off that shield
And be bare
Or that drug that will make you crave me
And go bad cause you won't share

Mr Officer
Mr Officer
Can you come over please
Bring your caution tape with you
And bring me to my knees

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Define it

It rots away at you
Like an old painting
Losing its luster and quality slowly over years

Pain is like
the color of black scarlet roses
Wilting in the sunlight
for everyone to see
It's beautiful to some
But hideous in the eyes of those who were hypnotized by its uniqueness

Pain is like
A child who eats at their flesh
Everytime their father
drunkingly beats them

Pain is like
milk souring In the attic
Festering, stinking stench
rising like the heat

Pain is like
the bullets that run the projects
Hitting not one but two children
With no witnesses

Pain is like
This aching in your spine that
Pierces you in places
You can't even reach

Pain is like
A woman being violated over and over again
By her tormenter

Pain is like
A virgin giving her heart and soul
To a pedophile
Never knowing what it means to be protected

Pain is like
That quick realization
That your father
won't live pass a week
The first man that taught you what kind of daddy he could be

Pain is like
That feeling you get
When something isn't right
and you do it anyway
And then after you can only blame yourself because you could have stopped it

Pain is like
That day you went to take a step
And fell down a flight of stairs breaking every bone
In your body
and you can feel each break

Pain is like
That time you fell in love
With someone who was gorgeous
And compassionate and
Loving and one day
You find out that you met
Jeckyl not Clyde, his representative

Pain is like
this never ending cluster
Of fucked up feelings
That you can never seem to reconcile
Because something else fucked up happens

And then one day
Pain is over
And your life is over

Still Here

Standing still
Seeing the time pass me by
Waiting on a change
Waiting on something new
Looking at my phone
Checking my Facebook

Seeing the time
Tick tock
Tick tock
Not seeing headlights coming home
No ones coming

Waiting on a change
Voicing my feelings
Expressing myself as best I can
He's hearing me
But not listening
How long am I supposed to wait?

Waiting on something new
Hoping that it will click
In his mind
What he's done wrong
While I'm checking myself
In the mirror
Willing to change myself
If need be

Looking at my phone
It's about that time
Tick tock
Tick tock
Holding back from
Taking the first step
Why should I
When I'm not the one
Who stumbled off track
Ding dong

Checking my Facebook
It's business as usual
Post about Michael Brown
Post about our Mayor for Life
Post about injustices in every ones lives
Scroll down
Nothing out of the ordinary

Not one thing to do
But wait
Have faith
Believe that if it's meant to be it will be
At least that's what they say...

Standing still
Seeing the time getting later
Waiting for a sign
Waiting on what could still be
Looking at my phone less
Writing in my blog
Something is better then just
Sitting here...

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Missing Thoughts

Missing him
But scared to reach out
Afraid he'll make it into
Something it's not

Missing him
but hurt at this change of events
Turning my clock back
One two three
More years

Missing him
But afraid to tell him
exactly how I feel
For fear that he'll reject me
By turning my words inside and out

Missing him
But too forewarned to think
I want him to want me
Like I want him
So I wait to see who
Will take the first move

Missing him
But wishing that
Something will click and
He'll realize what's missing and
Admit that it's me

Missing him
But refusing to show him
How weak I really am
That he is the source
of everything in me

Missing him
But distant
Because he's hurt my passion
And romance
By not appreciating
My efforts and gestures of love
Instead he made it into
That I didn't possibly dream of

Missing him
But running before I fall all to pieces
Because i never really got it
Or was able to embrace the love
He promised to me

Missing him
But scared to reach out to my love
For fear that he'll ruin me
When all I wanted was him
Completely and to fall
Deep in love

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Rescue Me

Rescue me
Take me away from this moment right here
Where I can't breathe
Feel anything but your presence

Rescue me
Help me understand why
You won't come for me
Why you can't see that I love you

Rescue me
Take my hand and lead me away
From this hell I'm in
Protect me and reassure me
That this is all in my mind

Rescue me
Make me understand
That despite your harsh words
You're sorry and
Never meant to hurt me

Rescue me
Keep me from giving up
Keep me from completely giving up
On love
Take my hand and wrap me in your arms

Rescue me
Show me exactly what I mean to you
Let me hear the sincerity in your voice
See morning hellos you never failed to send
Let me know that you're missing me as much as I'm needing you

Rescue me from the ones
You said would set out to destroy us
The ones you said you don't give a fuck about
Those haters you said would never change your love for me
Those ones you said You would protect me from

Rescue me
Like you did months ago
When you told me
I had to open up
I had to allow myself to love again

Or rescue me
From the pain
Of you playing me for a fool
Like all the others before you
By telling me the truth
Destroying everything you taught me to believe in again

Rescue me from pain
Or rescue me from never loving again
As much as I loved you
Rescue me like you know you can
And did before

Rescue me from a lifetime without you
Or a deathwish of never wanting to love again
Rescue me

My blame

Floating around
Pacing back and forth
Unsure of what to do next

Stuck in oblivion
Afraid to go forward
Worried I won't be able to pick up the pieces
Scared I won't want to mend my broken heart

Easier to let go
Then be hurt anymore
Can't stop the pain
Wanting to just give up
Not knowing what the future holds

Grasping for air
Between tears and screams
Not knowing why
Or understanding how to get pass this

Pissed for trusting someone
The last One with my heart

Can't sleep
Can't see
Can't hear

Waiting for his call
Checking my phone for his text
Wondering if I'm the only one whose hurting and wanting things to be better

Watching him go on
Like its nothing
Forgetting all about me
In an instant

Questioning everything he said
I wonder if he meant any of the words spoken
Any of the sweetness he barely uttered
Any of the promises
Any of the plans I looked forward to

Looking back
Knowing I'm missing something
Not registering
Just pacing back and forth
Feeling foolish by myself
Wanting it all to be over

I don't understand
As the tears begin to fall again
I'm slipping away
Inside myself
Wishing it all to be
A lonely nightmare

I'm floating
Never to be seen again
Not wanting to want or love again
Blaming me for loving again

Tuesday, November 18, 2014


Laying here wondering
How did I go wrong
I did all the right things
I opened up my heart
I listened to his needs
I tried to please him every way I could
I tried to fulfill his fantasies
I brought him to ones I loved
I trusted him to protect me
I kneeled in servitude at his feet
I considered him in all I did
I welcomed his children as my own
I let him guide me through the storm
I held his hand when I needed help
I loved him unconditionally
I surrendered my whole heart
I fell in love with who I thought was worthy to be my King

Yet I wanted more
I wanted romance
I wanted affection
I wanted him to only want me
I wanted him to crave me, taste me, desire just me
I wanted him to bring me in his circle of trust
Show me off to the world
Make me his number one priority next to his offspring
Acknowledge his love to me to all who could see
Prove what he taught me when I was too scared to let him love me
Exhault me to his Queen like I protected his kingship inside my heart

But as I lay here I see my mistakes
I tried to hard
I had too many expectations
I wanted perfection
I expected that he could love like me
I didn't realize that no one could love as hard and deep as me
Because my heart has suffered a many blows
Survived many tragedies
Has risen above more than most my age have seen
Has been broken and mended by God so many times through so much pain

Yet this One.
This last One I chose to trust my heart to again
Was the One that built it up.
Deciphered all my weaknesses
Made me weak and hungry to do it right
For once
This One made me want to prove my demons wrong
Make my enemies bend down
Make me want to live free of all the pain of the past
Bringing me to where I am now

Laying here missing him already
Loving him completely
Wanting only him
Despite the fact that he didn't meet all my desires but he succeeded in what I never thought I could ever do
Love completely.

Could Possibly Still Be

I give up
Trying to grasp for straws
Make him understand
Losing patience
Lost control
Couldn't understand why he couldn't see
Couldn't understand how deep my love could be

Wanting to give it all
To someone who could not see
How deep and intense this love could really be

Trying to school me
But lost in his own lessons
I'm trying
Drowning in anguish
Crying for more
Wishing I could make him see
While I'm drowning waiting for this love that could be

Preaching to me
But still a student himself
Letting others persuade
Casting doubt
Wanting a lifestyle better than us
Not realizing my life rested with us

Can hardly breath
Wanting nothing more than what could possibly be

Pride and fear
A horrible combination
Mixed with greed and selfishness
Two deadly persuasions
I'm left to drown
Can't catch myself
Looking up for my him to catch me
But see him over there fishing
Already for something small
In replace of me
So quickly dismissed of what could possibly be

Can't take no more
My heart is broken
Never to want to feel such emotions
Wishing it away
But knowing it will never be
Because I fell in love with what he made me trust it could be

Fighting alone
Wanting a future more than just this
Asking for more than just what's on the surface
Did he lie when he said I only love you
Or did he lie when he said I want my future with you
Or did he lie when he said it's just me against them
Or did he lie when he said I want you to be my wife

In the end
It couldn't possibly be what I thought it was for me
Because I'm crushed and mourning
While your laughing and lusting
Disrespecting and cussing
Taking all of my love with you where it can't possibly be

Broken promises
Sweet nothing's
Tomorrow gone just like that
For speaking up for what I needed
To step reluctantly in your shoes
Cost me everything I thought it could be
A way for him to finally see
That my love for him is endless
Desperate and ravenous
Punishable by default
Submissive if needed
Unconditional and long suffering
Yet one moment of reality
Made him open up his eyes
And feel what made me so angry
Enough to retaliate with injustice
Tearing my heart to pieces
Losing what I thought could possibly be
The greatest love I ever felt yet...

To be continued...

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Those Times

Those Times


There are going to be times

When I get quiet

Just know it's because I'm thinking

There are going to be times

When I tell you I'm scared

Just reassure me that you won't hurt me

There are going to be times

When I try to push you away

Just pull me close to you and hold me tight

There are going to be times

When I cry for no reason

Just wipe my tears away and and kiss my forehead

There are going to be times

When I'm in physical pain

Just lay me down gently and watch over me

There are going to be times when

I seem a little distant

Just keep in contact and let me know your there when I need you

There are going to be times

When I get depressed

Just be patient I'm working through some things

There are going to be times

When I just want you hold me

Just cuddle up with me and let me rest my head on your shoulders

There are going to be times

When I just want to make love

Just love me tenderly and most of all passionately

There are going to be times

When I'm acting like a spoiled brat

Just know that I'm really pretty rotten and I want your undivided attention

There is going to be times

When I make a mistake

Just let me confess and try to forgive me

There is going to be a time

When I tell you how I feel

Just listen and respond with truth and compassion

There is going to be a time

When I tell you "I love you"

Just be honest and tell me exactly how you feel too

There is going to be a time

When I start asking you questions about the future

Just realize that I'm ready to take a step forward

                And if you're not just say so because…

There is going to be a time

I might say I believe "You are the One"

Just open your heart and accept that I just might be the one too


Those Times

Category: Poetry

MCN: C5H45-5HKCE-3QC11

© copyright 2014-08-21 13:21:46 - All Rights Reserved



Your Friend,

"The right person will love all the things about you that the wrong person was intimidated by."- Unknown Author

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

In My Mind

In my mind I imagine you smiling

Looking at me with admiration in your eyes

Wanting me and only me

Missing me when we are apart

Loving all of me despite my flaws


In my mind you are wishing on a star

Praying for the one to come along

Thanking God for sending you me

Giving thanks with each breath you take


In my mind you were sent to me

To help love me through the pain

Heal me through the heart ache

And carry me through the storms


In my mind you are made for me

Waking up to the thought of me

Making Us your priority and your life's mission

                To be filled with happiness

Needing me more than anything to hold you at night


In my mind you are It

You are the finale to my dreams

The king in all my fairytales

The prince that wakes me with a kiss


In my mind you are everything I need

All that I could have imagined

All my wishes coming true

In one handsome imperfect package


In my mind it's you and I forever

Loving each other

Caring for one another

Building our lives together

                Your children and mine


In my mind I am already giving my all to you

Already smiling at the thought of us

Already ready for what We have to offer

Already becoming One not just I


In my mind you are the relief my tired soul needs

The refuge I can run to

The one I can't wait to talk to

The one that's there to protect me through the storms


In my mind you are what I have been waiting for             

                All my life

You are the one that was meant to be mine

In my mind it was meant to be

That one night where you smiled at me


In my mind my heart kept beating to find You…



In My Mind

Category: Poetry


© copyright 2014-08-19 16:13:32 - All Rights Reserved



Sunday, August 10, 2014

That Moment

Hoping to find that moment
That moment when everything inside me smiles
That moment when all is good around me
That moment when I can wake up in the morning and feel soft, gentle hands upon my face

I'm waiting for that moment
That moment when I see the eyes that can peer through my soul
That moment when my joy overshadows my fear
The moment when I feel breathless with longing and anticipation

I can't wait for that moment when I rush to be in the arms I love
That moment when I can feel the tenderness of a heart filled with Me
That moment that brings tears to my eyes from the thought of becoming One forever

I dream of the moment
The moment when my days are filled with more then my children's laughter
A moment when I have someone to take care of me too
That moment when I feel safe to go to bed at night knowing my love is waiting for me

I can not wait for that moment
That moment when my heart is healed and has renewed its faith in love
That moment when all my prayers are answered
That moment when I finally can say I'm in love with a King
My forever, my universe

I can't wait for the moment I find You...

Thursday, June 5, 2014

I Want You

I wake up to the sound of his voice whispering in my ear sweet things
I see his face clearly as I rise to start my day
I can picture him taking my hand leading me to bathe
I can feel his manliness behind me as he cleans between my thighs
I can wrap my arms around him as he dresses me gently in the morning
I can kiss his lips as he smiles wishing me a great day

I can imagine him there in everything I do
I can sense his presence making my heart brand new
I can feel the happiness radiating from his heart
I can let go and let him love me as I take hold of a new start

I want to enjoy what is between you and I
I want to open and give you all that money can't buy
I want to show how a woman should always treat her King
I want you and only You to have me as your Queen...

To be continued...

Saturday, March 15, 2014

More Time

Feeling surreal
Thinking about the pending loss
Of a person I've adored
Since before I breathed life

Looking into his eyes
I see strength and fear
While on the outside I see a man tired and frail

I watch him as he moves slowly
Calculating every step
Weary with each step he takes
In pain, aching
Trying not to give up
But wishing for it to end

I can't help but feel sorrow
Watching my once stubborn father
Dwindling away right before my eyes
Seeing the worry in his eyes
As he smiles at my mother

Trying to be strong
I offer my help
Making an excuse to hold his hand
Care and embrace him

Feelings unresolved
I try to let go of the past
The scandals left in the darkness
As I silently pray for his well being
Forgiving him for all he did to me as an impressionable child

I see him
Slowly slipping away
Trying to hold on for my mother
My babies he loves so much

As I fight within me to love him even more
As I watch him lose weight
Inch by inch
Becoming less than himself
Losing a part of me that was gone for so long

Daddys girl
My protector
My handsome father
I love so much

Trying not to miss him
But seeing him like this
Makes me lose touch
With reality of knowing
That time may not be
On our side

But all I can pray for
Is just for blessings
To be mine
As I watch my dear father
And pray for more time

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Your Mouth (draft)

This is not the first time I've asked you how you feel inside
Trying to read your mind
Seeing between the lines
All the while knowing your mouth is telling lies

So I waited
Trying to give you time
To see if you would clear your mind
Enough to see if you would make
Yourself mine
But you couldn't let go of what you truly felt inside

So I moved on to find what was rightfully mine
Someone who loved me
And who wouldn't waste my time
Someone who could express they wanted to be mine
Someone I knew whose heart was not blind

I waited for you to tell the truth
Throw away your pride and show me the proof
but you couldn't
Weren't ready
Shouldn't have played the friend role that much

Now I'm gone
Getting what I deserve
Not racking away at my nerves
Trying to figure something out

It wasn't the first time
I asked you for the truth
But now I know why you kept hiding
From what was true
You knew I.deserved better
And now I'm living the life
That only your heart could see
But your mouth could not trust

Monday, March 10, 2014

That Moment

That moment when you can feel their presence even before they enter the room
That moment when the butterflies start flying around when you know their on the way
That moment when time stops when your eyes meet each other
That moment when no one else matters but the one your with
That moment when you wake up and their the first person on your mind
That moment when your so damn horny at the thought of feeling them touch you again
That moment when you realize that it's you and them against the world
That moment when you can't stop thinking about them even when your busy with your own life
That moment when you go to bed and you can't fall asleep without them
That moment when you can't see your life without them in it
That moment where every plan you make includes the one you dream about
That moment when you make their happiness your top priority
That moment when you hear their name and you instantly start blushing
That moment when you realize that all you have been feeling and more means you have fallen in love

Monday, March 3, 2014

The Rain

The rain falls hitting my window pane
Thump, thump
Splatter, thump
Waking me from my dream
Making me disillusioned

The sounds are reflective
Of the pain and hurt inside
As the tears begin to fall
Drip, drop
Drop, drip

I look up into the sky and wonder why
Why I feel so lonely inside
Even with you by my side

Trying to focus I pull the cover over my head
Still hearing the rain above my bed
Swish, swish
As I look over and imagine you holding me close instead
But no avail I'm wet, crying out for you
Trying not to let the storm outside cloud my head
As the rain gets harder and I can't seem to escape the sound of the pitter, patter in my heart...

Trying to fall back to sleep as the rain suddenly calms
Getting silent 
hearing my heart beat louder
Thump, thump

I turn over to stop the beating in my head
As I roll over into a puddle of.tears
Nowhere to move but within my fears

Crying through the rain
Drowning out the beauty
Of what used to be a comfort

The rain falling on my window pane
Simple, serene
Tap, tapping
Calling my name
Soothing my mind
Waking me up from the demons swimming through my mind

I relax and reflect on his face
Smiling at the memory of that symphony we made
Love making through the rain

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Escape... Random

Love is my only escape from the craziness of this world... I want to fall in love with loving someone who is in love with who I am inside and out. I want to bask in the glory of your presence and blush everytime I hear your name... I want to escape to the boundary of you heart and fall madly in love with us... Love is my ultimate escape.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

As We Lay

As We Lay


As we lay down in the darkness

I can’t help but hear the rhythm

That beats with each beat of your heart


I try to record it in my mind

So that I can refer to it again

When you are gone


Reality sets in as I watch you

Quiet and reserved

Staring up into the heavens

Trying to find the answers

As my mind is trying to find ways

To help you find that escape


I can’t help but be selfish

As I think of not seeing you

Touching you

Feeling the scruffiness of your face

Between my fingers

Or blushing at your crooked smile

That always warms me inside


I know your aching, scared

Wishing on the stars you can’t seem to find

But I’m here

Loving you

Wanting to be your refuge from the darkness

The light for your shelter

The haven for your thoughts


Not knowing what is to come

We both laid in silence

Facing away from each other

Chests pounding

Wanting to touch each other

But scared it may be the last time

Wanting to let go and be one

But knowing that one day

One day soon

We may be separated by chains

That imprisons our hearts against our will

Feeling innocent, helpless

Totally taken over

By the worlds curses

And punishments


We can’t let go just yet

As something in both of us

Force our bodies to interact

Embrace and nurture each other’s cravings

Only wanting and desiring each other


In this moment of desperation

Not sure of what’s to come

Anticipation killing the romance

But the intimacy is so strong

We can’t resist

Slowly I come to you

Kissing your back

Massaging your pains

Licking your stress

Stroking your pride until it rises

To my touch


We can’t help

But make love

Because fucking is not an option

When our love is so deep

So strong

So intense

That it’s the tie that binds us together right now

Pushing away the inevitable


You enter me

Taking me in your arms

Wrapping my legs around you tightly

Gliding in and out of me

With the motion

Only designed for passion

Full of emotion

My sweet submissiveness

To the power you have over my heart

My mind

And my body


Realizing in this brief moment

How much I love you

Able to tell you so

As if it might be my last chance

Waiting for you to reply

But your moans and kisses

Are enough answer

To let me know

You love me to

Actions indeed speak

Louder than words


As we cum together

We lay there

Surrounded by the ocean of fear

Drowning in the lake of my love for you

Not knowing if and when

We will have this moment again

As we lay here in the darkness



Loving one another



Your Friend,


Tuesday, January 14, 2014


Trying to understand
The reason behind it all
The lies. Deception. Blatant disrespect.
Not wanting to see the truth.

Remembering all we had
Knowing all we said
Feeling all that made it real
Not able to see it clearly

Loving someone that never loved you
Wondering if any of it was real
Unable to breathe
Can't eat
Totally consumed with utter disbelief

Trying to grasp what it could have been
Only to admit you should have taken heed
To all the warnings and the signs
The claims that proved they could never be yours

Only to give them an excuse they would take
To hurt you
Abandon you
And give reason to partake
In foolery for something
Not equal to the mistake you made

Wishing you could go back
Run away from what you knew would go nowhere
Only to bask in the glory of your affection
Even if it means falling victim again
Stupid, naive, foolish, caught unaware

Giving your all
Getting less then half in return
Only to be shot down
For a moment of recklessness
Not looking like it seemed
Totally devoted to the thought of only wanting them

Hating yourself for falling
For someone who was off limits
Waiting for the opportunity to flee
Willing to do anything
To prevent the inevitable
Walking on broken glass

Only to be broken in half
By someone who is not even whole
Undeserving of what you offer
Yet you thought maybe your love
Would be different

Only to find out that
All your efforts
Your waiting
Your tears
Meant nothing to the beast
That can not feel

The monster inside
That refuses to see the beauty before him
Just how real
It can be to love unconditionally
Because they can only
See the pain inside of them
While using others

The beast disguises
The beauty of all we had
As he runs
Fleeing from something
You wanted to give
But they could not grasp
Loving some-thing
Not capable of loving you

Trying to understand
What is there deep inside of you
Lost, hurt and abused.