Tuesday, November 18, 2014


Laying here wondering
How did I go wrong
I did all the right things
I opened up my heart
I listened to his needs
I tried to please him every way I could
I tried to fulfill his fantasies
I brought him to ones I loved
I trusted him to protect me
I kneeled in servitude at his feet
I considered him in all I did
I welcomed his children as my own
I let him guide me through the storm
I held his hand when I needed help
I loved him unconditionally
I surrendered my whole heart
I fell in love with who I thought was worthy to be my King

Yet I wanted more
I wanted romance
I wanted affection
I wanted him to only want me
I wanted him to crave me, taste me, desire just me
I wanted him to bring me in his circle of trust
Show me off to the world
Make me his number one priority next to his offspring
Acknowledge his love to me to all who could see
Prove what he taught me when I was too scared to let him love me
Exhault me to his Queen like I protected his kingship inside my heart

But as I lay here I see my mistakes
I tried to hard
I had too many expectations
I wanted perfection
I expected that he could love like me
I didn't realize that no one could love as hard and deep as me
Because my heart has suffered a many blows
Survived many tragedies
Has risen above more than most my age have seen
Has been broken and mended by God so many times through so much pain

Yet this One.
This last One I chose to trust my heart to again
Was the One that built it up.
Deciphered all my weaknesses
Made me weak and hungry to do it right
For once
This One made me want to prove my demons wrong
Make my enemies bend down
Make me want to live free of all the pain of the past
Bringing me to where I am now

Laying here missing him already
Loving him completely
Wanting only him
Despite the fact that he didn't meet all my desires but he succeeded in what I never thought I could ever do
Love completely.

1 comment:

  1. You are so talented, I am really surprised you have not got more followers, I thought your poetry was amazing and I shall be back to read more... Just carry on and be yourself, and dont torture yourself if you are going through what your poems suggest... if you are, just remember, never give the satisfaction of them seeing you as a victim... you are not, it just got screwed up all by itself... hugs from across the pond.. j