Friday, September 28, 2012

Actions Indeed Speak Louder than Words!

I just got off the phone with a fairly new friend of mine and she said some things to me that really hit me hard.
She told me that my actions were not matching my words and that's why I have open doors that are not ready to be closed (persay) because of those actions. People hold value over our actions and even though they hear our words and acknowledge them and let us speak them, our actions are what they base their opinions and own actions on.

People have been telling me for a while to close some doors and place a barrier in front of it and I have not listened or did not keep up to what my words said and here I am looking in the mirror- AGAIN. 

I really need to step back and figure this out.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012



This natural chemistry is overwhelming
And exhilarating
The highs of taking you all in
Have me intoxicated.

I can see the lust in your eyes
And the longing you have for me
Yet your sweet and gentle and
Totally unpredictable.

I can feel this chemistry
And it feels so deliciously sweet
Its beautiful and unexpected
And deep and intriguing
All at once.

You have me mesmerized with your words
And the way you watch my every move
Makes me tingle in places I thought were resting
For this exact moment to arise.

I am magnetic around you
Not getting enough of what you and I share.

Our chemistry
This feeling between you and i
Is something amazing yet so simple
Its appreciated and a welcome escape.

Im excited about you
Yet I have a feeling
You are here for  all the right reasons
Not just for the passing of the seasons.

Im not blind to the intensity of what we have
This chemistry we can’t deny
Its electric and energenizing
Its alive and growing
Its design impeccable.

Nothing is boring about us
We are what people tweet about
And yet we are in our own world
uninterrupted by people admiring us.

We are captivating and engulfed
In learning each other
And we compliment each other so well.

This is new to us but this feeling
This chemistry is a history still being written

Im missing you during the day
And texting you at night
We talk for hours
Yet never get enough.

We are setting ourselves up
Its Me and You
And I know you feel it too.         
This chemistry.

© copyright 2012-09-18 14:25:27 - All Rights Reserved

Thursday, September 13, 2012

J. Holiday- Suffocate (Lyrics)

J Holiday - Suffocate

Now even though I try to play it off
I'm thinking about you all day long
And I can't wait for shorty to come through
From your lips and back up to your eyes
My hands on your hips when we grind
I'm fantasizing bout what I'm gonna do to you
Got me fiening for her love can't lie
Man you should see how she got me
Spending all this time with her
And I couldn't leave her if I wanted to
Her love turns men into fools
Tell me what a man is to do

Cuz I can't breathe when you talk to me
I can't breathe when you're touching me
I suffocate when you're away from me
So much love you take from me
I'm going outta my mind
I can't breathe when you talk to me
I can't breathe when you're touching me
I suffocate when you're away from me
So much love you take from me
I'm going outta my mind

Whenever we up in this bed
And my fingers fall in your hair
I wonder if you feel me watching you
Cuz I can't go a night without your lovin
Got me looking at this phone
Every time it rings I hope it's you girl
You got my bracing for your love
And I fallen for you I can't lie
I just wanna be with you
Yes she got me there I said it

And somebody call the paramedics
Tell em to hurry up and come through

Cuz I can't breathe when you talk to me (baby)
I can't breathe when you're touching me (when you touch me)
I suffocate when you're away from me
So much love you take from me
I'm going outta my mind (I'm going outta my mind)
I can't breathe when you talk to me
I can't breathe when you're touching me
I suffocate when you're away from me
So much love you take from me
I'm going outta my mind

Don't ever leave me girl
I need you inside my world
I can't go a day without you
And see nobody else will ever do
I'll never feel like I feel with you

Cuz I can't breathe when you talk to me
I can't breathe when you're touching me (when you touch me)
I suffocate when you're away from me
So much love you take from me
I'm going outta my mind (I'm going outta my mind)
I can't breathe when you talk to me (oh when you talk to me)
I can't breathe when you're touchin me (I can't breathe when you touchin me)
I suffocate when you're away from me
So much love you take from me
I'm going outta my mind (I'm going outta my mind)

Oh no no I can't breathe
Oh no no I can't breathe (I can't breathe)
Oh no no I can't breathe oh no



Standard YouTube License

I Get So Loney- Janet Jackson (lyrics)

I get so lonely 
Without you 

Janet & Blackstreet 

I get so lonely (so lonely) 
Can't let 
Just anybody hold me 
You are the one 
That lives in me my dear (you are the one) 
Want no one but you 
(repeat 1X) 


Sittin' here with my tears 
All alone with my fears 
I'm wondering if 
I have to do withoutcha 
But there's no reason why 
I feel asleep late last night 
Cryin' like a newborn child 
Holdin' myself close 
Pretendin' my arms are yours 
I want no one but you 



I still remember to the day 
In fact is was a 3rd Monday 
You came along 
To be the one for me 
And now I'm so all alone 
I'm sittin' here by the phone (the phone) 
Called that say that your ok 
So that I have 
The chance to beg you to stay 
I want no one but you 


(I get so lonely) 
Everytime I see your face baby 
(Can't let) 
Everytime I hear your name 
(Just anybody hold me) 
Hard to believe that you and me 
(You are the one) 
No longer 
(That lives in me my dear) 
I want no one but you 

(repeat 1X) 

Break it down 
Break it down 

Janet & Blackstreet: 

Gonna break it down 
Break it down 
Break it down 

(repeat 1 X) 

You know 
(I know) 
That I know 
That I get so lonely 
Thinking of you 

(Chorus until fades-out)

Feeling Some Way

 Feeling Some Way
I am feeling some way being in your space
I can feel your presence and your lovely grace
You’re caring for me physically
But I can't help feeling you emotionally

I am feeling some way because you’re always there
Keeping me safe and showing you care
I depend on you without any doubts
You make me comfortable in ways I can’t even count

I’m feeling some way because your here for a reason 
Our friendship is rare and more than a season
It’s here to help us both get through hard times
And I heal with the vision in your kind eyes

I’m feeling some way because I know I’m the one
You’ve told me countless times that your search is done
Yet I keep running away because of my fears
But yet you’re always there to erase my tears

I am feeling some way because I can't wait to see you
The butterflies don't lie when I’m close and near you

I’m feeling some way because when you see me you smile
And all the worry and pain is gone for my miles

I never have to worry or be scared of you leaving
Because your love and your actions are never deceiving

I’m feeling some way because I’m holding on to what’s comfortable
But how long can we go on with this chemistry we have
Time can’t keep still and it won't let it pass

I’m feeling some way because inside I’m on fire
My heart is warm and full of desire
For a love so full of beautiful dreams
And a future of bliss or so it does seem

I’m feeling some way because it’s me holding back
I can't understand because there is nothing I lack
You are full of joy and happiness and its genuine I know
But I can't seem to get passed what I’m told is so

I’m feeling some way because at the end I’m happy
Being in the same space that is now us two
I couldn't ask for more because I have You

© copyright 2012-09-13 16:37:59 - All Rights Reserved

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Letting Go...

Letting go of someone you love is not always easy but letting go is sometimes needed. In order to move on and be better and stronger, you have to let people go in your life that are not adding substance and meaning. 
In the past week, I have lost my fiancee, the person I thought was my soulmate, my home, my stability, my serenity, and have been displaced mentally, emotionally and physically. But I have people, like my best friend and Luv, Sherri and my other BF, Ashley and many more who have proven to be a solid rock for me. I am so grateful for them all that remain in my life.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Violated in more ways than one...

Someone broke into my home this past Saturday and completely turned my life upside down. I feel violated and dirty because they overturned my bed, went through my personal belongings, and I don't just mean my clothes and have misplaced me and my children.
It is such a horrible feeling being fearful to go to the one place you have called home for a long time and now you can't event step through the door without fear, sadness, and helplessness.
The feeling I am going through is familiar...reminds me of when I was raped and its brought back a lot of memories I had buried a long time ago.  Some people can't understand because they haven't experienced either of these violations and I pray to God they never have to but the feeling is similar and is making me go back to a place I prefer not to re-visit. At least my body wasn't physically harmed too much but it doesn't change the mental pain and the emotional distress of someone taking from you and touching and going through things that they were not given permission to.

Now I have to put the pieces of my home in storage and displace my children from a home they have come to love... its such a horrible feeling not having a home to call your home especially when you have worked so hard to keep one for you and your children.

I am feeling sick and angry. Praying for something to give soon, even if its my sanity.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Me or Me

Broken down and tired
Wondering what and where my future leads
I sit angry and cold
Lost and abandoned
Hurt and above all else

I can’t imagine why you can’t see
Why can’t you look at me and see
I am the woman you always wanted
I am the woman you always asked for
I am here

Why can’t you take me as I am?

I stand tall
Knowing I’ve lost the war of having what my heart so desperately needs
I stand even though I feel weak to my knees

Why can’t you take me as I am?

I pray that one day you will see
I pray that one day I will know
I pray that one day I will heal
Nothing should hurt so bad
Love lost only to be found
And then lost again

Why can’t you take me as I am?

I can only be
Beautiful, open, genuine, sincere
Torn yet mended
Broken yet healing
Past pains
And past failures
And past choices
All in my past
And yet still haunting me

Why can’t you take me as I am?

I am all that I can be
I am offering you that plus more
My kids
My heart
My body
My future
My now

Why can’t you take me as I am?

I am the loyal friend
The trusted listener
The go getter
The child advocator
The lover- not the fighter
I am strong
I am intelligent
I am loving
I am sincere
But I’m not yours

Why can’t you take me as I am?

I realize that I grew up
I got bigger
But I am who I am and that is me

Why can’t you take me as I am?

I love you with every ounce I can gather
I gasp for the same air as you
I nurture everything about you
I cater to your pleasures
I surrender to your touch
But it’s not enough
I’m not enough

Why can’t you take me as I am?

I am recklessly in love with you
Because you are what made me want to be more
You are the reason I kept believing
You are the reason I kept on wishing
You were the ultimate prize
And yet I’ve lost- again and again

Why can’t you take me as I am?

I’m in love, I admit it.
I’m selfish, I admit it.
I’m stubborn, I admit it.
I’m opinionated, I admit that too.
But I’m all of this for you.

Why can’t you take me as I am?
I’ve made mistakes
And I’ve paid for them
I’ve hurt you before
I tried to repair your heart
I’ve been abused and misused
But my head is still high
I came through it all
To see what’s in your heart
Why can’t you see what’s in mine

Why can’t you take me for who I am?

You know why you can’t see Me
Because you’re filled with the old me
And what the old me did
And what the old me lied about
How the old me cheated on you
How the old me walked away
How the old me married someone else
How the old me carried someone else’s child
How the old me used to love because I didn’t know back then what the new Me knows now

I know why You can’t take me for Me
Because You can’t take you for You
Because the old you can’t see the new Me
Its cock-blocking and throwing curve balls
And getting tangled in Your own webs
And fooling yourSelf like you did back then
And Your impatient with Who I am now
Because the old you hasn’t caught up with the new Me
And the new Me is looking for the old you
And the two of You and the two of Me
Can’t seem to come to one conclusion----

You can’t take Me for who I am
Because You’re too caught up
On who I was
That you can’t see You
Being happy with Me
Because the old you
Wants the new Me
But the new You
Can only see the old me
And we all can’t see forward to the future
…because you can’t love the New me
Because You’re too in love
With the old me
To fall in love with who you see-
Me.  Right Now. Me. Tomorrow. Me. Future. Me. Reality. Me.

© copyright 2012-09-07 20:05:15 - All Rights Reserved

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Reality Grieves

Reality stole away my breathe
Listening to those words I hate to hear
Giving up and letting go...

I’m breathless as I feel control slipping away
I’ve fallen so deep
That just the thought scares me to tears
Losing you just deepens my fears

I am taken aback by the words you speak
I turn the corner just to peak
Seeing you for the wonderful person you are
But blind sighted by the person you've become- because of me

I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused
I’m sorry for all the dreams shattered
I wish I could do something that mattered
But I feel you slipping away
And the pain is just too much to stay

I respect you for all you do
And appreciate the woman in you
I am forever in your debt
But my faith just can't resolve what's meant

I’m wishing on a peaceful medium
To come to me with a life of meaning
One that can be free of judgment
And hold on to what’s rightfully mine
Only to embrace what makes others blind

I’m hurting deep inside
Because I know without a doubt that you’re rightfully mine
So why are you and you and you telling us we can't
When I’ve always been the one who believes your heaven sent

I can only go on and wish for you
True happiness and love that’s almost true
Because no one will ever take this place
In my heart or yours we can't be replaced

I’m lonely yet full of loving you
And the power of us is always new
It’s strong and mighty and grand by far
Our devotion is deep and sets the bar

No one can compare to what my feelings are for you
I know that its real, it’s pure and true
I take this all in and exhale with grief
Knowing I’ve lost that inner peace
For not giving my all and trusting in you
To give me the love I deserve yet blew

I pray that one day I’ll see you in my dreams
Holding me close or so it will seem

I’m keeping you close
   Though I know you’re not far from me
Something inside me says set you free

I’m resigned and spent for the state we're in now
But I have faith that I haven't lost and we will make a way some how
To hold on to what makes us who we are
Friends until the end and partners for life
No one can take or even give strife
Our bond is true and yet so unbelievably rare 
And no one not even they can even compare

It’s you and me
Together we fall
But I will love you forever
And that in itself stands tall

I’m trusting in the angels
To keep you safe
Until one day I can take us to another place
That sees us for what we truly are
Two people who love beyond compare
Two people who know what life has to offer
In each other a bond that will never falter

Reality sinks in and takes my breathe away
As I dream for another suitable way

© copyright 2012-09-06 14:05:26 - All Rights Reserved

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

I'm Ready

I am tired of going to bed 
And waking up alone
I’m ready to start my life 
With someone who loves me for me
And wants me as their wife.

I’m ready to be the woman you deserve
I want to give you my heart and my soul
And give you more than just my body
For our love is what makes us whole.

I’m ready to look into your eyes
Every morning and say hello
I’m ready to think about you all day
And can't wait to come home to my fellow.

I’m ready to think of our future 
And what it entails
I am ready to walk down that blissful aisle 
And plan all the details.

I’m ready to try new things
And show you what gives me pleasure
I want to try what makes you rise
And give you what your body needs to be pleased.

I am ready to be your priority
And show you what my love is all about
I’m ready to make you number One 
And give you my all- once and above all.

I am ready to shower you with kisses
And miss you throughout the day
I am ready to write love poems
Expressing what my heart has to say.

I want to come home to your smile
And long for you to hold me
I want to wait for you to arrive 
And anticipate the butterflies inside me.

I am ready to be that one you crave
And I want to be the one you need
I know I need you
I just need you to need me too.

I want to fix you your favorite meal 
And lay in your arms as we watch our love story.
I want to share those moments with you
That adds to the memories of loves glory.

I am ready to give you a child
That is the epitome of our love
I want to be the mother to your children
And make Him smile up above.

I want to think of only you
Inside me pleasing every inch of me
I want to take you all in
And give you a climax so strong
That your knees get weak and you smile in your sleep.

I am ready to be the woman you have always wanted
And the woman I always dreamed of being
I want to be your wife 
And take care of your heart for life.

I am so ready to be the one that makes you happy
And in turn I want you to be the one
That I can run to in a storm or run with on the beach
Either way it’s just you and me against the world
Loving each other like an exquisite pearl.

I want to miss you when you’re away
And long for you when you’re nearby

I want to make you mine
And give you peace of mind
That my love is true
And no one else will do.

You and I have this forever thing
This love thing
This me thing
This you thing
This best thing
This great thing
This exhilarating, immeasurable bond thing!

I am ready to explore all that life has to offer
You and me happy finally
As one and unbreakable
Destined for greatness in its entirety.

I am ready for that I Do
I am ready for Me and You
I am ready for all that We have to offer.
I am ready for You.

I am tired of going to bed by myself
and waking up by myself.
I am ready to to go to bed with you
and wake up with you.

I want to be your everything
I want to give you all of me
I want to be that light in your darkness
and your rescue through the madness

I need you
I’m complete with you.
I want you
I deserve you.

I’m ready to be with you.
I’m ready to give all of me- to you.

I’m ready to do this thing
I’ve run from all my life
I’m finally here
In a place so unfamiliar yet so real
I am ready to commit to a lifetime of joy
And peace 
surrounding by happiness complete

I don't care what anyone says
I’m yours and your mine
And that’s all that matters
During this time we have right now
Right this minute
Is all that matters

I’m ready for you to come to me
Take my hand and let’s be free
I am ready to be your wife
I’m ready to be your life.
I’m ready to be all I can be
And all we should be.
I’m ready
Just come to me.

© copyright 2012-09-04 14:02:48 - All Rights Reserved