Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Honesty is NOT the best policy

Today my feelings were validated. Being honest with someone is not always the best route to take especially when people can't handle the truth or can't respect what you have to say.
Today I was honest with someone that I cared about and who I felt I had built a friendship that was unbreakable but I learned the truth today- it was. My respect and loyalty to them was not mutual. I was honest about what I had to offer and offered my best- my friendship. They walked away because I couldn't meet what they wanted from me but I thought I was as least their friend. That's what we were good at or so I thought.
When I spoke to a couple of people about it they said that "it was an immature move on their part," that he was "just being a man and I no longer served his purpose," that "I didn't fit his mission," and that "maybe he just needed time" but I thought true friendship was about accepting each other for who you are and what the person brings to the table as your friend. Its not selfish. Its not disloyal. Its not conditional. Its not any of the things I learned today. I am surprised that they ended it the way they did because I thought, beyond anything else, that they would respect that I was not leading them down a road that I couldn't walk on straight completely.  That I needed time to heal from my past and my pain and I needed to focus on my health and that I needed them to be exactly what they were- my friend.  Isn't that what people who care about each other do?

Maybe I was just a woman to them. Maybe I was just a "mission" for them. Now I have to explain to my kids why they won't see them again. I have to explain to my parents why they won't conversate with them anymore. I have to come to terms that I was just a "season" in another person's life.
I have to repair my own disappoinment in my own part in this too because I truly am feeling hurt right now and a sense of loss.
I have repaired a few important friendships the last couple of months. I never thought I would be gaining friends back and then losing another- especially this one.

Its a new year and I can't let people tear me down like I used to allow people to do, so I will pray on it, and hope that my original reasoning for being honest today continues to be the right reason and that I was not honest and genuine in vain- but until then "honesty is not the best policy." He validated that today in the worse way.

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