Shower Conviction

Standing in the shower

I could feel something familiar

The dirty feeling

Wanting to scorch my skin from the filth

Feeling uneasy with my body

Wanting to lather the nastiness away

Touching my body

I felt my nails dig in my skin

Scraping my way to a sense of normalcy

Feeling numb to peace

Wanting to drown in my misery

Wishing the water would wash me away

The feeling was familiar

A sense of violation

Disrespect to my temple

Taken advantage of

Feeling empty and helpless

I felt abused...

I felt hurt

Emotionally.

Mentally.

Spiritually.

I felt empty

Abandoned

Embarassed

Scared.

More and more I realized what it was

I felt raped

Raped...

Raped of my love

Raped of my spirit

Raped of my commitment

Raped of my conviction

Raped of my future

Raped of my willingness to forgive

I touched my skin again from the realization

Understanding the familiar feeling

Suddenly feeling bashful

Fat

Unattractive and detached

Just like back then

But this time

Instead of letting the tears fall

I stopped

Touched every inch of my body

And said to myself...

I GOT THIS!