Sleep

I can't sleep

My mind is racing

Trying to find answers to questions only you can reply to

Why me

Why us

Why was I not enough

What happened to happily ever after

Was it the openness

The weight gain

The pain I endure on a regular

Or was it something else

Was it you

The age difference

The lack of male role models

Or is just an addiction

I tried to forgive

I tried giving options

I tried to save face

I tried everything but give up

It was still not enough

We were still not enough

I'm restless

Torn between still being in love with you

And...

Wanting to let go

I know I deserve better

I know I was a good wife

I know I did my best

But it still wasn't enough

I'm delirious

I can't sleep

My mind won't rest

I'm dumbfounded

Was I not sexing you enough

Loving you enough

Not there for you

Or was it just karma laughing at me

Naw... I've paid for my mistakes twice over

So then what's keeping me from closing my eyes and finding some peace

It's you

Craving you in my bed

Missing you during the day

Wanting to kiss your lips i love so much

But I can't

All I see is them

All I feel is your hands on foreign thighs

All I smell is lust and sweat

I can't sleep

Your haunting my mind and my heart

Yet I still love you

Though your my nightmare