Vulnerable

I can't think

While my mind is racing

As to what to do when it comes to me and you

 

Feeling as if I should run after you

But fearing that you will reject me to my face

Casting the final blow to my heart

That is already broken in two

 

Trying to understand why you left

Without a complete explanation or

A trace of your emotions to give me a clue

Waiting and worrying about you

While you were running away from me into the arms of another

 

Trying to figure out why

I wasn't good enough

Why you couldn't see who and what I am today

Cursing my past and banishing my future

 

Opening myself up to scrutiny and judgment

Vulnerable and fully exposed to you

Letting you question everything I thought I already expressed to you

Wanting to give you more

Show you more

Be more so you could finally see

That you are all I truly wanted. You were the One for me.

 

All the effort

All the self-evaluation

All the things I did and promised and vowed to be for you

Tossed aside, disregarded, meaning nothing.

Just like my heartfelt proposal to be all I can

All you said you needed and wanted from me

Not missing any detail that you requested of me

 

Pride crushed for allowing myself to be so open

Only to suffer over and over again

Taking each verbal punishment with courage

Knowing I had already paid for everything I did to hurt you

Still wanting to prove myself worthy of your love

Because I knew and thought I deserved it

But it wasn't enough for you to really forgive

Not acknowledging that indeed you hurt me too

 

Months of planning

Days of compromising

All leads to this moment when you silently walked away

When in my eyes that all led to something more than this

More than you just abandoning all that we just spoke about

Or at least the chance I thought we both deserved

To meet face to face

And confirm what we thought could or should be or won't be

 

In one instant

I realize that you weren't in love with me anymore

Couldn't let go and just let me love you

Unable to forgive the mistakes I myself could admit to

And all you said you needed and wanted

You didn't really need and want from  and with me

 

Not sure how to look forward

Remembering yesterday

When you told me you loved me

Yet your gone without a trace

Leaving me confused and frustrated

 

Feeling vulnerable

Not able to trust my own feelings

Never wanting to trust another with my heart

In a stand still

Unable to fully grasp the magnitude of this reality you forced me into

 

Unwilling to accept my fate

Holding on to our love

Letting go of the hopes

Trying not to completely lose faith in love

But unable to trust my heart

Because my heart lied when it told me that Love would overcome

And your words that I always trusted

Spoke untruths about wanting to come to me

Even if it was the last time

 

Holding on to the memories

Not ready to let go

Knowing someday I will have to finally say bye

Not imagining I would ever have to when it comes to you

I don't want to

Not ever thinking I would have to

 

Vulnerable

Open

Unable to feel anything

But the violent beating of my heart

Praying to the Gods to take me from this intimate hell

As I silently ask for forgiveness for wanting to give up on the one thing He commanded us to do

 

 

Open

Exposed

As reality sets in that its over

 

Your gone

Moving on to something you feel is better

Not realizing how bad this hurts me

And knowing you don't care how this will affect me

How permanently damaging this could be

To both you and I

Not giving Us the chance we so much needed

As you cowardly cease to exist in my life

Taking my heart with you

Leaving me exposed, open to the elements

Vulnerable