In A Daze

In a daze

Questioning everything you have said to me

Wondering what's true

And what's not

Imagining if maybe I was just hearing things

Not knowing if I can trust anything anymore

 

In a daze confused

Not knowing whether to cry or scream

Be angry or mad

Feeling karmas sick joke

As this nauseating feeling

Settles in my stomach

And I can feel my heartbeat

Slowing down

Causing a pain in my chest

Opening up old scars

Hurt, tired, frustrated and

Above all else

Desperately trying to erase everything I just heard you say to her

 

In a daze I'm wondering

If she makes you smile like me

Does she make love to you all night

Does she want to be your wife and love you more than me

Is she the One to make you get over me

Or is this just someone passing by

To make you wake up and see

That it's really me

 

In a daze I can hear you say I love you

I can feel your hands on my face

I can smell the scent of your cologne

I can even see your handsome face clearly

But it's all mangled up in that

Conversation I over heard

That didn't mention anything about me

 

In a daze I am trying to hold on to my sanity

Not wither away in grief

Not drown in tears

Not fall asleep for eternity

Not completely lose my cool

And go the fuck off

Yelling and screaming and cursing and vandalizing

Everything I hold dear- my love for you

 

In a daze

I'm clueless for the first time

At what I want to do when it comes to you

Do I stop calling you

Do I stop texting you

Do I stop thinking about you

Do I stop wanting you

Do I stop trusting you

Do I simply just let go

And try to stop loving you

Never

I'll never stop doing what comes naturally to me- loving you

 

In a daze I can't help but pray

That God will finally show me the way

Lead me in the right direction

So I can follow my heart

But wasn't I doing that already

Waiting patiently for you

 

In a daze I am surrounded by love

Mixed with hurt and pain

Fear and mistrust

And in the midst of it

Is me and you

In two separate worlds wanting the same thing- true love

 

In a daze I know that it has nothing to do with her

And everything to do with me

Trying to hold on to what I thought should be forever

But still healing from what I know was my fault

Losing you in the first place

Finally coming into my own

But maybe too late

 

In a daze I still know it's certain

I'm in love with you

And even if what I heard was true

Because my ears and your words were crystal clear

I know that I am the One

That is meant to have happiness

Even if it's not with you

Though I promised to give anything

To be with you

 

In a daze

I'm waiting patiently for your guilty call

Already finding reasons to forgive your well-crafted lies

Though I heard everything you said to her

I still want to believe

In you

In us

In everything we just talked about

Last week

You and me