Lost

Lost in a world of disbelief
Knowing that they have taken their love away
Not caring about me or the way
They have made me feel
Not taking blame for any of their errors
Blind to the hurt they have caused me
Claiming confused but really just waiting for a way out
I gave them what they wanted
Hoping they would wake up
Only to find everything of me
Tossed out

In the name of love they kept me on a tightrope
Knowing they didn't really love me
Only used me for convenience
Dangling my heart over my mind
Always making promises they couldn't keep
Always saying what they will do but not carrying through
Meanwhile I'm heart broken and feeling weak
Not wanting to live in this cruel world
Of love and hate
Wishing for a bullet to set it straight

I'm lost in a world
Of nothing ness and devoured by
Loves cruel joke
Torn and broken to pieces
By their choice to totally discard everything we have
For who? For what?
Fear is no longer the answer because I did my part.
Showing you everything deep inside me
Yet in the end it meant nothing
You couldn't even come to my rescue when I was drowning.

Lost in a world of disbelief
At the way I still love you
Knowing you don't love me
Crying with pity
Over knowing that I was replaceable
When you said many times you would never love anyone as much as you loved me
In the end you did because you forgot about me and what we shared and what I was to you
And how many secrets we share
And how I know you sometimes better than you know yourself
And how you loved me like no one else
Only...
Only...
To give up at a time when something was more giving and superficial
When even your words said
You couldn't, can't and wouldn't.

Lost and feeling obsolete
Burned beyond recognition
Totally turned inside out not knowing who I am
Without you
Not knowing what to tell my heart that adores you
Its just not me but my offspring will lose out on a future with you

Lost in disbelief at so little I mean to you now
After you looked me in my eyes
And made a promise to love me
Be there for me forever
Made love to my body and my soul
Than leave me in a vulnerable state
As if everything, everything we had was nothing
Low on your list of priorities
For what? For who?
Because you were too torn between two worlds
That proved to be too much for you too fight for
Even though I never stopped fighting for Us.

Lost.
Confused.
Hurt.
Disappointed.
Betrayed.
Praying for you to see the truth
And wake up to reality
I hoped you would get from
Me telling you the truth of your ways
But no.
You were blinded only by what you wanted to see
And not what was obvious in me.
Lost, walking around in anguish in an unfair world of disbelief.

Secret Rendezvous

Secret Rendezvous

Secret rendezvous

Wanting to be near you

Missing your smile

And the way you make me feel

The chemistry between us is

Noticeable by everyone

Even those that have their eyes shut

To what we have going on between us

Welcoming the moments

That we will see each other again

In hiding

But open to exploring each other

In every way imaginable

Not willing to let go

Of this fire between us

Looking into your eyes

I see you’re hard for me

Longing to be inside me

Touching me

Holding me

Claiming me as yours

Even though I’m not

You want it just the same

You’re someone else’s

But you are wanting me

All the time

Sensing my presence

No matter how far away I am

I captivate you

And you drive me insane

With lustful desires

And heartfelt connections

Seizing every moment

To connect with you

Unwilling partners

Can clearly see

But try to deny

What’s between you and me

It’s clear

Transparent

You and I

But walls can’t stop us

Or even try to keep us apart

What we have together

Is fun, fresh and open from the start

More than just a physical attraction

It’s more

It’s a bond

It’s a link between two different

Types of people

Joined by a mutual

Attraction to each other

We videotape our

Fuck session

Watching it over and over again

When we are apart

Fascinated by all the

Things we try together

Not new

But made alive with each stroke

Lick

And touch

Unscripted

Yet planned out

Always exciting

Yet scandalous

It can’t be denied

Even if we tried

You want it

I need it

I’m ready for our

Secret rendezvous

Just between us two

Or maybe three

With no limits

Or stress

Just us

In our oasis of bliss

You and I

On our secret rendezvous

Emotional

Emotional

Confused

At the point we are at

Apart

Loving each other

Wanting more

But can’t seem to get it right

Disappointed

That we have allowed

Outside forces

To lead us astray

Giving our love away

To people who can’t

Love like we love each other

Wondering

Why we can’t seem to come together

When our hearts have been linked

For what seems like forever

Taunting us but not giving way

To the love we know we both

Have for one another

Yet we keep leaving astray

Hurt

That you don’t see

The love I’ve always had for you

And can’t compare to any other

Missing that look in your eyes

That told me that I had your heart

Not remembering the last time

I felt you completely in love with me

Out of fear that I can’t love you

Or be what you need to be

If only you knew how ready

I am and willing to be so

Depressed

That I can’t find

My happiness

In your arms

And wake up to a love so

Beautiful and forever new

Wanting more

But can’t seem to make you see

That you are the only one

For me

Needing to make you

See me for me

And not for what I used to be

Afraid

That you will never see

Just how much you mean to me

Always here in the shadows

Praying and waiting for you

Trying not to let go

But unsure if I should hold on too

Distressed

That I can’t seem to find

The right words to say

Or do what needs to be done

To make this right

To correct all that went wrong

If only I could go back in time

Even a year ago

Maybe even two

And do it all over again

While im running around in circles

Losing sleep

Over the state we are in right now

Distant

Because I can’t seem to catch your attention

And make you understand

Just how much you and I

Mean to me

So I run away

to find some sort of comfort

Never fully finding peace

Because my peace resides in your

Arms and within your heart

Tearful

That my heart is aching

For a love that seems to be out of reach

But yet so close

I can smell your cologne

And the scent of your lips

Close to mine

Engulfing me

Entrancing me with each touch

Wishing

For some kind of relief

From this pain

I can’t do anything

But call love

Because in this wish

I see you

My definition of love

My dream come true

My everything

I ever wanted

But could not seem to have

Regretful

That the pain I caused you

You can’t forgive

And yet I have forgiven

Every hurt you caused me

Because that is what I believe

Love is all about

Forgiveness

Moving forward

Together

Waiting

For the day

When I can say that this pain is gone

Either because

You’re with me finally

Or because

I can no longer

Wait for something

That may never be

Emotional

My Purpose in Life

As my life was instantly

Upon me

I saw your faces and knew instantly

What my purpose was

For living

Seeing your beautiful faces

Smiling at me

Telling me you love me

Calling me mommy

Loving me unconditionally

In this life I have been given the gift

Of being a mother

To two precious children

Who adore me

And love me without doubt or fear

Counting on me to nurture

And provide for them

Supporting them when others may not

And in this life

I have the joy of waking up every morning

To see your sleepy faces

And kissing you at night

To watch you dream sweet dreams

All my life

I dreamed and prayed for you

But never did I imagine

I would have such blessings

Wrapped in two small gifts

Personally delivered and blessed by God

In my life

I have been given one mission

I know without doubt I can achieve

And that is being the best mother I can be

To the two most precious people in my lives

My daughter and angel Hevyn

And my doting and affectionate Devyn

You are my life

And I love you

With every breath I take

And with each beat of my heart

This life would be nothing

Without the two of you

I love you

Your mommy

Your friend

Your biggest fan

Always

For a lifetime

© copyright 2013-06-26 19:41:49 - All Rights Reserved

In this Moment

In that moment

When I could see my life rush past me

I thought of you

And how you make me feel

And smiled at the fact that I had been running from you

Trying to safeguard my heart

When you had been there protecting it

All this time

Trying to show me

What you can and will be to me

…If I just let you

In that moment

When I was trapped

I instantly thought of you

And what I would be leaving behind

If I couldn’t get free

And it brought tears to my eyes

To know I might not ever

Experience all you had to offer me

In that moment

I could clearly see you laughing, joking

And doing that thing you do

That annoys me

And it made me smile

Even in that moment

I was comforted by the thought of you

And was relieved to know that

When I emerged I could run right into your arms

Safe and secure

Unscathed and untouched

Free to surrender completely

To being loved by you

In that moment

I realized what was important

Knowing who holds me dear

And not just who needs me there

But wants me there

In that moment

I learned that I don’t just want you

I need you too

To be the person you keep trying to show me

But I kept running away from

Out of fear

But it was fear that brought me to

This moment

Where I realize that you are what I need

And want

In this moment

I am falling for you

And so glad to have you here in my life

Wanting and needing me too

In this very moment

© copyright 2013-06-26 19:23:03 - All Rights Reserved

In A Flash

My life flashed before me

And all I could see was your face smiling

And full of love for me

You were extending your hand

Asking me to stay

And I willingly came forth to embrace you

In that flash I could see all the mistakes

All the regrets and I couldn’t help

But wonder how long I would miss you

If suddenly I had to leave you

And in that flash

I couldn’t imagine a life without you

Welcoming me home

Kissing my lips

Spending every moment with you

In that flash

I could see us happy and living in peace

And a part of me prayed

that even without the light

I could still see you in my future

Holding me close

Calling my name

Wanting me there with you

In the brightness

I saw a future so aglow

Filled with happiness and joy

Seeing my babies growing up

And growing old with you

In that flash

I erased all the pain

And forgive all my hurts

And let go of all the pains that comes with love

In that flash

I could appreciate life

And all that it entails

I was in darkness

But now the light has shined

It radiated on my heart

And led me straight to you

In that flash

Was an instant of despair

Followed by fear

Of never seeing you again

But as I opened my eyes to the glow

Of your essence

I realized that in that flash

I fell in love with you

All over again

© copyright 2013-06-26 19:05:20 - All Rights Reserved

Spellbound

In my sleep I can feel you looking at me
Watching me breath
Counting the freckles on my face
Twirling my curls between your fingers

When I wake I can feel you close to me
Watching my every move
Smiling at the way I walk about
Making me blush as I catch you staring lovingly at me

As my day goes on I can sense you all around me
Protecting, sheltering me from harm
Peeking to make sure I'm smiling
Doing things to give me reason to think of you

Returning home I can hear you say my name
Telling me you miss me and love me
But then when I look around your not there
I'm hearing things but smiling anyway at the memory of you

I lay down in the warm water
To wash away my day
Feeling you behind me playing in my hair
Washing my stresses away with your gentle touch
Whispering in my ear that you will always be here

I glance in the mirror
And in my reflection
I can see your chest rise
As you lick your lips letting me know you long for me as I crave for you

I touch myself as I lay down to dry off
Feeling the wetness you inspired
As I can feel your full lips
On the back of my neck and your soft hands between my thighs
Claiming me
Not allowing me to want anyone else but you

As I please myself with not one finger but two
I can feel your hands all over me
And your mouth tasting every inch of me
Bringing myself to a height that only you can summon

When I awaken from my fantasy
I sit up, chill bumps all over my body

I look around and again your not there
Only in my memory
Your voice fades away
Yet my feelings are intense and unwilling to let go

I can feel an energy outside
As I run to look out the window
And I can see you waving at me
And your smile is so bright I can't help but run out the door
But when I get there I fall down in misery
For your presence is only in my conscious mind
Your promises broken
My heart shattered

Our love only resides within me
And your nowhere to be found but in my heart
Smiling, touching and leaving me
Dreaming and waiting for you
Spellbound