Saturday, November 17, 2012

When I say...

When I say I'm giving up on loving you I'm not saying I don't love you any less.
I'm saying that I have to give more than just love. I have to give you my respect, my trust, my commitment, my honesty, my humility, my joy and my pain.
I'm saying that I understand the pain I have caused and the pain that you feel because I am feeling it too.
I'm saying that the thought of losing you is unimaginable but yet I understand why your heart can't take it. I am saying that Im begging for the chance to make it right but I understand if you can't stay. I'm saying that you hurt me too but that I forgive you, I do.

I'm saying that I don't want a life without you but without life I can't live in the memory of loving you.

I'm saying that I can walk away but I'm pleading for you to let me stay.
See what I'm really trying to say is that I'm not giving up on loving you, I'm giving up on the thought of loving you the way I did before. The way I loved you before wasn't good enough because it hurt you, bruised your ego and destroyed what we thought we had. I'm saying that I'm going to love you better, stronger, and deeper. I am going to love you like I never loved before. I'm going to love you like my whole future depends on it. I'm going to love you like you never imagined but always needed me to love you. I'm not giving up on loving you, I'm just giving up on how I loved you before- because I realize that Love is earned not given and Love is sacrifice not neglect. Love is long suffering not misleading. Love is forgiving not vengeful. Love is not just in me but it survives in You.
Love never gives up but its timeless.

I realize that in my heart I only have room to love You.

So with this I pray that even in our silence and even with the passing of the days I will be longing to love you.  I'm not giving up on loving you. I'm just allowing myself to give you the intimate love I never knew I had the capacity to have until now- if you let me. Let me love You the way you have loved Me...

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