Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Died with You

Died with You

Lying awake feeling emptiness and misery wishing I could see, smell and hear you again.
In my desperation I reach out to you through subliminal messages but my questions go unanswered.

I'm scared at the thought of losing you forever. 
I feel abandoned, angry and destitute.
I watch the phone desperate for it to be you. 
I check my emails for just one word to say it’s not true.
In my hysteria I think I receive a text message realizing that it’s a month old.
You’re long gone and I'm missing you.

I wish I could just speak to you one last time and erase all the pain away.
I wish I could hold your hand and lead it to my empty heart.
I wish I could tell you one last time how much I need you in my life.
But it’s too late. 
You’re gone.
The beating of your soul no longer sings for me.

I'm alone and feeling as if you were taken too soon. 
I wonder if I didn't say I needed you.
I wonder if I didn't express my fears.
I wonder if I didn't make the choices I made before I gave that last piece of my former self....
Would you still be here breathing, smiling and telling me you love me?

I can live without you but I choose not to.
You made the choice for me with no prognosis to my fate.
You’re gone, running through the veins of my sadness.
Yet I can still feel your presence close but eerily haunting in the shadows.
I didn't have the credentials to keep you here fighting with me.

My heart bleeds for you but yet it wasn't enough to keep yours beating for what the future held for you and I.
I'm losing an already lost battle because inside you have already flat lined. 
Your eyes are closed, lifeless.
You can't see past the truth of this emotional matter.
The truth in me, your soulmate. 
Your future.

You committed suicide with our future, killing the possibilities 
with your insecurities that you couldn't even rescue yourself from your fears.
So you sacrificed me for you not realizing that without me there is no you.

We have been cremated in a heartbreak of hell
and no one can revive us but Him, the one that created this bond we have.
We call on him but do nothing to free ourselves.
It’s over. You’re gone.

I keep stretching out my hand to bring you back to me but you’re cold and lifeless.
You can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel because your blinded by the abandonment you suffered at the hands of your own mother that you can't trust anyone not even me.
Yet you want to have that great love but your heart is weak and your pride is strong but not enough to realize that you have been alive all this time- when you’re with me.

The time has stopped and they call the time. 
It’s me that has died, not you.
I'm the one that can't breathe.
I am the one losing control of all sense of time.
I am the one whose heart has stopped breathing and you were the one that didn't come to save me.
It’s over. You’re gone.

Just as quickly as the clock ticked for the last decade just as quickly as you abandoned the dream of us.
It’s over. You’re gone.

In my repasts they cry over me like shepherds in a field 
with great hopes that some way somehow my voice will be heard. 
I needed you, longed for you, cried for you but it was over before I knew it.

You left me in a catatonic state and with your departure you shut off the supply to my lifeline.
It’s over. You’re gone.

In memory I resemble you and I. 
In mourning they remember me happiest with you.
In celebration they pray for my heart to heal.
In my passing I died with you.

© copyright 2012-12-18 13:37:28 - All Rights Reserved

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